My dad was abusive growing up. My whole family feared him. But he was always very good at acting like the perfect man and father to everyone on the outside. My parents split when I was a teenager, and my dad met someone else and started going to therapy. We drifted apart when he married this new woman (who I now adore) and got his “new family”, but when we reconnected, I was shocked by how much calmer he seemed. He still had his issues, and I was still in active addiction that no one knew about. I kinda kept my dad at a distance but our relationship was MUCH calmer than it had been when I was growing up. It was kind of.. nice. A few years ago, he and my brothers and my step mom all moved a state over. I cried a lot when he left. Having over half my family just up and leave was heartbreaking. I stayed in regular contact with my brothers, but contact with my dad waned. We only spoke maybe once a month. Almost a year ago, I was struggling. I was still addicted but for the first time, I was having real, serious thoughts about getting clean and how I could accomplish that. I reached out to a sober friend for advice. His solution was to tell my dad behind my back. What he didn’t know is this completely would turn my life upside down and honestly probably delayed my recovery because of how stressed and sick it made me emotionally. My dad began threatening to blackmail me. If I didn’t get sober right then and exactly in the way he wanted, he was going to tell our whole family I was an addict. Maybe even close childhood friends. At one point he threatened to “drag me by my hair” to rehab. Believe me, I understand deeply that discovering a loved one has hidden an addiction from you for years would be shocking and very upsetting. But 1) you cannot force someone to get sober who isn’t truly ready and 2) what I REALLY needed was love and support. It was shocking to me to see this side of my dad come back out. Was he not as “healed” as I had thought? At that time I was still trying to get better. I began going to a methadone clinic, seeing a counselor and really working on myself, calling and researching different rehabs in my area. But ultimately I was still using because I wasn’t ready yet. So that essentially nixed all the other work I was doing in my dads mind. To him, I was doing nothing. I kept telling myself “this will just get better when I get sober. Once I get sober, our relationship will go back to normal.” Then he roped my brother in. Had him start texting me the same things my dad was. That hurt me so deeply because my brothers were my best friends. But again, I figured once I got sober, it would get better. So I did! I finally buckled down and went through the withdrawal process. Those first weeks were hell and I really could have used the support from my dad and my brother that they swore they were giving me, but they barely texted me back. This has already been super long so I’ll cut to the chase here. I’m now three months sober. I’ve been doing amazing. Life is SO much better for me now and I’m actually excited for my future for the first time maybe ever. But.. my relationship with my dad and brother didn’t get any better. In fact, I’d argue it got worse. My brother isn’t talking to me at all anymore. My dad refused to believe I’m actually sober even when I showed him clean UA’s and offered to let him talk to my counselor. I was telling him my exact methadone dose but then stopped because he was just using it to tell me constantly that I’m not tapering fast enough. According to my doctors and counselors, the rate he wanted me to taper was dangerous and a risk to my sobriety. But that just made him question my clinic 
he thinks they’re steering me wrong now. Any time I try to stand up for myself to him, he calls me entitled or says I’m lacking empathy. I was stressed out all day every day spending all my time trying to appease him and make him think I’m doing enough. Eventually I had enough and decided I had to put myself first. My sobriety first. And obviously he didn’t like that at all.
So my question to you all is: have any of you experienced anything like this with family? What have you done to prioritize yourself? Constant stress is not good for early recovery. Or for anyone, for that matter.
Thank you if you read this 
I’m new to this community and everyone seems so nice.
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I’ve honestly been terrified to talk to anyone about this because I’m worried they’d tell me he’s right and I am some awful, entitled person. But I’ve been trying to learn and do my best to put myself first!
thank you again for your kind words, I’m doing my best over here! 
When I made my name, I had the idea of “springing forward”. I realized later that my name could imply a “new beginning” or a fresh start. Stay the course, 3 months will eventually become 3 years. Imagine where you’re life will be 3 years from now being sober…this is what motivates still, 7 years and counting.