Hey guys and gals. I have been sober from alcohol for 77 days now and yesterday was my 30th birthday. I wanted to go out and have a drink or two for my night out but something weird happened. I was getting ready to drop off my 4 year old so me and the wife could go out to a concert and my daughter brought up my father and how he used to drink “adult juice”. My dad was my best friend in the world and unfortunately he drank himself to death. I have been dealing with a lot of issues lately in my family, mainly with my brother. Our father’s house came up for sale and I had asked my brother to say something to his landlord about me buying the property because he was the one that owned it at the time. My family was growing and we needed a bigger space. For reference the house is a duplex with 4 beds/2 baths on one side and the other side is a 2 bedroom 1 bath. I had brought up the idea of buying it so my family could live in the bigger side and him and his fiancé could live in the smaller side. We have 2 young kids ages 4 and 7 and my brother does not have any kids. Well anyway, instead of bringing up the idea of me buying it to his landlord, he went behind my back and worked a deal to buy the property himself. On one hand I can understand his side of it and him wanting to buy it but I can’t wrap my head around why he would have done this to me. I at least would think if I brought up the idea to buy the place that if he had the thought that he wanted to he would have given me a heads up but to go behind my back I feel like I was betrayed by the one person I never saw doing something like that to me. Now we don’t really talk a whole lot but we see each other out and about from time to time and he wants to stop and chit chat and act like nothing has happened between us. Him approaching me in public is causing friction between my wife and me because she thinks I am just rolling over and letting him get this over on me but the gods honest truth is I’m so tired of the hate that has built up inside of me. I feel like if I don’t move on I am going to end up doing something drastic. On the other hand I am torn because of out of all the times I have run into him since all this has happened I haven’t got an ounce of an apology out of him. He acts like nothing has happened between us. He just keeps telling me “he wanted to be ready for when he does have kids”. What if God forbid your fiance can’t bear children and you never end up having any? I don’t hate him but I don’t have any desire to be around him or talk to him and it is really unfortunate because we were so close growing up. Does anyone have any advice on how I can go about navigating this situation?
I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to wish you well. That seems like an awfully tough situation. Sorry your brother is treating you like this.
Whyd your daughter bring up adult juice? Was she trying to make a hit to you?
The brother sitch does sound distressful but nothing you cant navigate with a sober mind. Im sure the pressure from your wife doesnt help any.
Good job on 77 days
Hey there
Thats a tough one. I am sorry to hear that you have this challenging situation with your brother.
In my experience it is healthy to let go. You can not make him act in a more respectful way or change his behavoiour.
Accepting and letting go might give you more inner peace. Acceptance does not mean forgiving or forgetting, it does not mean that you are okay with his behaviour. But it can mean you dont pick this fight.
Maybe you can give yourself some compassion and create some distance towards your brother for some time. Give yourself time and space to heal from this. Surround yourself with people that are caring for you.
I am sending warm hugs to you 