Hello guys. So I have been sober for over a year and a half now, but most of my family including my father are not. My father has been a functioning alcoholic for as long as I can remembered. Which I do not judge him.I almost went down that same path as him but I decided that enough was enough and quit. I started drinking at the age of 16. Looking back it seemed like the normal from hanging out with dad and drinking a few beers, taking shots at family functions or getting wasted on the weekends. My early adult life wasn’t normal at all. But at the time it seemed fine and what life was suppose to be like.
I got sober at 27 and lucky for myself I caught it at a early age and stopped the family cycle. I hope to never drink again but I take it day by day and I am very thankful I am on the right track. Since I see my family and my father frequently I find it to be strange situation. My dad drinks and my mother enables him by buying him alcohol daily when he runs out. I don’t really get any support from my family for becoming sober. It is taboo to talk about this sobriety or life problems with my parents. They know I don’t drink, but I never get a shout out or we are proud of you son. Because the addiction still runs deep with in my immediate family. Sometimes I feel like a lone wolf on this journey. But I will continue to keep on pushing forward regardless of the lack of family support. It is just a unsettling to know that family doesn’t really care at all. I envy all the stories that you all share when your parents or family are supportive. I guess everyone’s story has to be different.
So I was curious if any of you have similar experiences.
Much love - Cody
PS. I know that I have a great community right here and we are all in the same boat. Thanks for always sharing your stories and helping myself along with all the others on here. After taking a hiatus I know I need to get back to being active on this forums again, because community is a powerful thing.
Hey buddy, I can really relate. I am the only sober person in my family. They acknowledge that and are mostly respectful, but there is definitely no explicit expression of support. So I can’t share my milestones, celebrations or struggles with them. And really, the only people who get those are fellow sober alcoholics. It can be hard and lonely and sad, but who knows what the future will bring.
I consider myself blessed that my immediate family is 100% supportive of my sobriety. Then again, they’re all normal drinkers. My son and daughter-in-law don’t drink for reasons of faith. My extended family includes many recovering alcoholics, so no issues there.
i think sometimes our parents want us to be ‘normal’ and not have a problem / label ourselves with a problem. thats the case i think with my mother… i think. she still buys me bottles of wine and champagne even though i dont drink. thankfully it works in my favor bc when i’m invited to a friends house for dinner or party i can bring it as a party favor
That is a tough one, and extra props to u for getting sober in that situation. Maybe loving detachment is the way to go. Ur family is ur family, but u live on a different plane to them. If they will never understand ur sobriety don’t bother to tell them about it, find ur own group that u can.
I haven’t said much to my parents yet. My brother has been more in focus the past couple years bc of his drinking. I just told my mom I stopped and she said it probably was a good idea.
I have little to no support when it comes to my family as well. However the difference is my family doesn’t drink. Like they are able to have a few once every few months. Nothing excessive. I on the other hand am the black sheep in the family. I seen some bullshit in my life my family doesn’t even understand because I could never confine in them for anything. I have issues so I drink. They don’t get that. They think I drink because I’m just irresponsible, lazy, selfish. They cannot picture themselves in my shoes. Especially knowing I left a 4 year physical and mentally abusive relationship which drove me to the edge of my past 3 year drinking problem. Even now I get no love or sympathy. No congrats you are doing so well on your own being a single mom, working, and trying to heal yourself alone your whole life. I’m 26 and i realized they love me but they will never understand me or be the loving caring parents I want them to be. All you can do is accept them for who they are. But dont take crap you don’t need. And ignore bad opinions they may have and know you are doing well. Spend time with people who bring you up. Best of luck to you
Hi Cody, nice to meet you. Different addiction for me but similar feeling of being alienated from my parents, especially my father. He is a well intentioned, basically kind man but never really made an attempt to understand his own health or boundaries, which spiralled his life out of control (to the point he now will need to declare personal bankruptcy) and didn’t leave any time or energy for parenting.
I have had to turn to recovery groups to learn, first, about setting boundaries for my own health. I use communication techniques to get those across and I make it clear; I also am upfront about my addiction when necessary. If I feel there may be a problem and I can’t be upfront with people about my addiction, I don’t go.
In my own case I think it’s not that they don’t care, just that they don’t understand. They don’t see where the escaping / addiction comes from. There was a roof over our heads and food on the table, so what happened? (Does that make sense?)
This is a really good thread. Thanks for starting it. You may also find this thread interesting:
It is weird that family can’t seem to understand.Way to stay sober when no one supports you as well. And also being sober while a single mother. That is a great accomplishment. Im sure there are many challenges involved. Thank you for sharing.
Cody, WE ALL GOT YOUR BACK AND ARE PROUD OF YOU! Read that again. You don’t need people’s approval. Yes, it’s nice at times but you did this for YOU. Others won’t understand, or not care too. Screw em. Stay the course, focus on you and tour journey and keep up the good work no matter what. You want approval and support? Come here. That’s what we are here for because we understand. Continued luck on your journey.
Let me say that although I’m not your family and we don’t know each other, I AM PROUD OF YOU! We kinda are a family here. I’ve only been a part of this group starting today,but I already feel like we’re all a family here…
SO…GREAT JOB! KEEPON KEEPING ON! I AM PROUD OF YOU, CODY!
