I am mentally in a lot of pain and everyday I am tempted to do drugs. I realize over and over again that the memories won’t go away man. I have to express to those who do not know me and that is why I am here.
When I was I was real young my brother would throw D Batteries at me when my dad was at work. I’m not sure if my dad saw me flinch one day, but he said if my brother was hurting me that I should let him know. That’s the earliest memory between my brother and I.
Fast forward, when I was in the first grade my brother took a pit bull puppy from the neighbors back yard. He brought home, boiled water in my father’s kettle and poured it over the puppy. The puppy was in the sink when he did it so immediately after he ran cold water over the puppy while it cried in pain. I stood there watching in confusion. He put his hand over the puppy’s mouth to make it be quiet, took it outside, and put it back over the neighbors fence.
Fast forward, my dad was sleeping and for some reason my brother and I had gotten into an argument. He began punching my vagina as hard as he could. We were kids so it wasn’t coming from a grown man. He hit me once and I said “that didn’t hurt” as if I had won. He hit me again about four more times before until it did hurt. By the fourth time, I drew back and punched him in the face. He beat my ass but after, I was just happy that I did SOMETHING.
Fast forward, my dad was sleeping. He was old so I forgive him. He took naps at the same time each afternoon. My brother and I had gotten into an argument. I remember being on the couch and him jumping on my vagina with his knee. He did this repeatedly and then on his last jump, I pulled my legs back, and kicked him in the chest. He fell backwards into the glass table in our living room. When it shattered my dad woke up. He walked out to the living room, looked around, and said “clean this shit up”.
Welcome to Talking Sober shesohandsome. That’s some incredibly heavy stuff you have to deal with that you just shared with us all. I’m really hoping sharing about it helps. I also hope you got some good support in real life, like some good therapist and therapies maybe? Memories won’t go away, but they can become manageable through having the right therapy or therapies.
Doing drugs in the end will only mute and anesthetize ourselves and not solve anything. We all deserve a good life. I’m glad you’re here. We’re in this together. Hope you’ll find some support here too friend.
PS. I’m a moderator here and I added a trigger warning to the title of your post as we have members here who can have a very hard time being confronted with the things you have to tell.
Sorry about that BUT thank you for adding the trigger warning. Thank you for your reply as well. I’m definitely in therapy, some days/nights are harder than others for sure. I have been using sober time in and off for years now but this is the first time I’ve written anything. I will continue to write, hopefully more positive things in the future.
Hi there , reading your stories made me want to hug my baby tighter. It makes me
So sad to hear you had to experience that. A loss of childhood. Drugs won’t help. Don’t feel like you aren’t worthy of love. You are. If you were near, I would give you a hug but here’s a virtual big big hug !!! Do you pray ? It has helped me. Prayer and church. I just cry my eyes out each time and it is relieving.
I absolutely do pray but CRYING is something I have yet to do. I for sure need that sort of release. Thank you so much for the virtual hug. I am continuing with my sober journey. The longest I’ve gone is two years and this time so far I’m at about a year and two months so I’m going to keep pushing and continue my therapy as well. I just needed to vent in a place where no one actually knows me.
That was really brave and courageous of you to share something so painful that clearly has affected you in such a way, I do hope you find some peace, mostly you shouldn’t feel bad for expressing yourself we need more to express themselves instead of suffering in silence. I wish you nothing but good luck and a brighter future
That’s the beauty of this platform we are all in the same boat but with different struggles, but one thing you must remember on this platform there is no judgement just opened ears
