I’m finding it hard to cut out alcohol completely. I was diagnosed with a fatty liver and warned that if I kept drinking at my current level it would continue to progress. My husband was right there with me and had the same diagnosis. He is having a much easier time staying sober. I however, constantly find myself trying to sneak “just one drink”. Just one drink usually turns out to be me filling a wine glass as much as I can with it still being one glass.
My history with drinking is 10 years of heavy drinking and most recently over the past few years blacking out and making a total a-hole of myself. I still want to crawl into a hole and die when I think of things I’ve said, or been told Ive said, when drinking. My 29th and 30th birthdays were some how WAY more out of control than my 21st! My mother is an alcoholic and I just would like my 30’s to be booze and blackout free! I’d also like to have kids and keep my liver in tact. I don’t think I realized how intense the cravings would be. I have all the reasons in the world to never drink again but I get 5 days max into being sober and am dying for a drink again.
This is my first post so I guess I’m just looking for tips and general things that have helped you all get clean. I’m tying to keep in mind that it’s a daily battle and that relapses and tricking yourself back into drinking are common in the beginning.
Hi @Thetrufflequeen welcome to the forum! I’m a 30 year old blackout binge drinker facing my addiction for the first real time in my life.
I thought I could try moderation but I just can’t. In the past few years one drink almost always led to sneaking drinks until I blacked out and embarrassed myself severely.
My cravings were out of control too even though I wasn’t a daily drinker. They lessened after about 35 days sober and now I’m trying to get over the junk food cravings too.
It’s a process. Be ready. Like they say in AA "remember that we deal with Alcohol- cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for us."
So pull out the tools! Use this forum, find an AA group that works for you, get a therapist if you have the means. If you hate “god talk” change your thinking…it’s just a 3 letter word, it doesn’t have to mean anything.
It’s the support that’s kept me sober.
I thought it would be smooth sailing for me after 52 days and then I went on a work trip, had a few drinks and blacked out.
You can do this and stay sober if you’re willing to ride it out and work daily!
Good luck!
A work friend of mine lost her boyfriend last year around November to liver failure. They were both told in advance of their fatty livers / health issues by their doctors. She, on the other hand still drinks. She also works in the medical field. They are / were in their 40’s.
I also have a Facebook “friend”… when I was playing out in my band, we would network with other bands via Facebook. Anyway, just 2 months ago his fiancee died of liver failure as well. She was 38. She spent her last 10 days or so in the hospital.
Long story short, this isn’t something to play with. Once you reach a certain point, that’s it. There’s no turning back. No one more chance etc.
You mentioned that you’re sneaking drinks. If it’s in your house, toss it… first step.
You know the possible outcome. You were told by your doctor. It’s up to you at this point to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life.
That’s my boy @Ace1 being bluntly and truthfully honest. If you think it will get better, it won’t. If you feel sneaking little drinks won’t turn back into heavy binge drinking again, you’re wrong. I’m dealing with the same stuff right now. I went from 52 days proudly sober, to drinking daily again in excess. Sure, my failing marriage was a perfect excuse to let my booze brain take over, but I sure wish I’d have dealt with it differently. For me, it’s time to get back to that sober, happy place I was over two months ago. You can as well.
@Thetrufflequeen There isn’t an easier, softer way to get sober. You’ll have to walk through the intense cravings and obsessive thinking just like we all did. You’ll have to put the work in to find your triggers and really know why you drink in the first place. There shouldn’t be any alcohol in your home…it’s time to clean house…literally. Look into a recovery program that will keep you accountable, to learn the tools to live effectively, to meet new people walking the same journey. It’s not easy at first, but it’s completely worth it.
Even if/ when the fat in the liver clears up, (which apparently it can pretty quickly at this stage), my fear is that I’d be back to drinking right away and even harder than before.
A few friends have cut back and cleared the fat in their livers up rather quickly and returned to normal, social drinking of maybe a few beers per week.
My relationship with alcohol simply isn’t that way.
The best and only decision for me is to give it up now, and for good. Not “next time” when I’m sure to have even bigger, irreversible problems.
@Thetrufflequeen, have you tried supplements with easing off cravings? . Before starting my ‘regime’ i recall having active urges to drink, i couldnt last more than 5 days, i had this empty but heavy feeling in my stomach which was unbearable until i filled it with drink?. Not to mention loss of interest in everyday things. Its a vicious cycle! Taurine capsules were god send, it eased off my anxiety! 5 htpt helped me sleep and l-glutamine eased off cravings. I also took b complex, vit c, magnesium and calcium- all of them above recommended daily allowance (especially niacin) . Also i had lots of good fat- avocado a day, seeds and nuts (2 handfulls of cashew nuts everyday- excellent for depression) . I used a book called ‘how to quit without feeling shit’. It also includes section in self care such as reconnecting with society etc. Good luck with your recovery.
Hey there @Thetrufflequeen - know that you can and will get past those 5 days. I know the struggle and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It takes months to break a habit that takes days to create. I found this group so helpful in the early days and visited about 10 times a day!! You need an artillery of things around you when you are thinking of reaching for that “very full glass of wine” (a clear bucket with a stem, right?!)
My artillery
*this group and re reading my first ever post
*a bath
*snacks - all the snacks in the world
*exercise (free work out videos on YouTube - try Fitness Blender!)
*leaving the house and walking somewhere
*making a really complicated dinner
*doing something nice for yourself because you deserve it and are doing a difficult but not impossible thing.
(a clear bucket with a stem, right?!)