I feel so bad and so disappointed in myself. It was the first day of school for my kid today; he’s starting third grade and he was a bit nervous about all of it: class lists have been switched up so he’s not with all the same kids as last year, and for the first time in his life he has an older, male schoolteacher, which he’s not been used to before.
So I made sure we got up in good time for the school bus this morning, but he was slow and dragged about everything, breakfast, clothes, teeth… I was getting frustrated and impatient, but I still wanted to snap his first-day of school picture, which I do every year. And he started complaining, would not stand still, then crossed his arms and frowned for the picture, turned his back on the camera, complained some more… while I kept asking him just to stand still and look normal for ONE picture, just ONE picture. He wouldn’t. But then I lost it and started yelling at him that this was the one thing I was asking of him, ONE THING only, and how he was ungrateful and did not see how much I worked for him and did for him, and then he was like “get my picture then” and sat on the couch and wouldn’t budge. This was by now a battle of wills, and even though a part of my mind could see it, I just yelled at him to go to the school bus by himself. Which scared him because obviously he wanted the comfort of my sending him off on this first day. And he was like “No, mum, no…”. So we just stalked out the door, not talking to each other, and I was by now feeling so awful at how I had already messed up his first school morning, but I was still angry and thinking of the picture thing.
So of course we were running late by then, and we saw the school bus coming down the cross-street, so we had to sprint to make it to the bus-stop before it. And then there was no time to say anything: he ran for the bus door and I had to call him back to at least give him a bunch of kisses and whisper “You have a good day”, and then he went in. The bus has darker windows so I couldn’t see him or wave. And I felt like crying right there and all the way back home. I feel like I messed up; I yelled at him and did not comfort him or reassure him before he left, and he must have been feeling like he was so bad to me, and I was so bad to him, and he may have been feeling nervous and I didn’t even speak to him all the way to the bus. I feel so miserable and disappointed in myself, I am crying. I wanted him to have a great first day, and I’m afraid I spoiled it all.
Sorry for the dumb and rambling share, but I felt I needed to unburden myself. Thanks for your compassionate eyes and ears.
My son is also in 3rd grade this year, so I feel your pain. He is the sweetest boy!! But boy oh boy, when he gets his heels dug in on something!! 
wonder where he learned it? Oh yes, me… he learned it from me. Once the frustration from the situation dies down I try to remind myself that is the type of kid I want to send out into the world, one who is sure of himself, knows his boundaries, will stick to them (even with mom!!), and will not give into situations just because someone is telling him to (even mom)!! 
