At a cottage with friends this weekend, not drinking which is one part that is though, but all I can still think about is the fuck ups I’ve made in the past, especially those that would have the impact of destroying my relationship while drunk.
I know the past is the past, but my guilt caused by drinking has me questioning who I really even am, or if I’ll ever be able to truly enjoy the present and my relationships.
Thanks TS sorry for the rant
And I sound like a broken record but I went to AA because I had tried everything so what the hell let’s give it ago. What I didn’t know was once I got a sponsor I was going to find a person I trusted unquestionably and that person was going to sit and take me on a journey about my whole life and the roles I played in it. I came out the other side a different person, head held high and can look anyone in the eye. It took learning some honesty and humility along the way but I can promise you it releases a backpack of bricks off your mind body and soul.
Just not drinking might keep you sober and miserable for a little while but if you want to be sober and happy you gotta find another solution to living.
Thank you Dolse, I have my first meeting this week. I appreciate your guidance
The best appology is changed behavior. Most of us on here, did horrible things while in addiction.
Grant yourself some grace. The person you will be sober, is not the person you were drunk. As the sober days add up, you get involved in a recovery program…you will gain the tools you need to make amends.
Working on the 12 steps of AA with my sponsor allowed me to make peace with all the shame and most of the regret of my past. I use the analogy of a bucket of water. It’s full to overflowing with mostly negative emotional energy and old hurts, and I have to carry it everywhere and I’m sloshing it as I go. Those steps allowed me to empty the bucket, and all of a sudden, I had the capacity to deal with life without making a sloppy mess of it.
This is sincerely inspiring, your words and guidance are not wasted on me. I have my first meeting this week, looking forward to opening up to this kind of healing