I never feel any joy. I go through my life doing the same things every day. I have a sponsor, are working the steps and attend meetings. I even see a counselor. This desire to keep using just won’t go away. I know that I am extremely depressed. I’ve read all the ways of how to get away from it, but I find it so hard to make myself do those things. I keep thinking maybe tomorrow will get better. I don’t want to give up hope, but it’s hard to find reasons not too. My family is the only thing that keeps me from ending things.
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I feel the same way until I start accomplishing things for my own self and showing myself I DO have true control over who and what I can be.
For me a nice walk, working out, trying to make new foods, meditating and manifesting, creating something like art/a poem or starting a new hobby to master has helped me see that I am incredible and worth every moment of this gift of an experience that so few creatures on this earth get to have.
You are worth each beautiful day ahead of you♥️
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I know for me I had to recalibrate my expectations. You’ve been sober since mid November. And while that is certainly a great accomplishment it’s still just the beginning of your journey. Progress can, and will, be slow. Realistically it can take months and years even, so don’t be so hard on yourself that it isn’t happening right away.
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Have you sought professional help for mental and emotional health?
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Make a list of what’s gotten better, and what’s gotten worse since being clean. I feel the repetitiveness can get to you I relapsed after a whole lot of romanticizing and felling complacent in a short amount of time. Like was said already it’s gonna take a lot more time to adjust. Like was also said maybe seek some outside help. I myself will be seeing a psychiatrist when my insurance situation is squared away. Sometimes we need outside help and that’s ok. I hope you get to the solution if you’re problem. I just know for me life clean is less painful than being loaded but I have my trials coming that’s why I stay busy I’m my recovery. You’re never alone man 
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Get some more sober time. Things should improve. Alcohol takes a while to get out of system and our bodies adjust. Have you been to doctor? You sound like me and I take a small antidepressant because it helps motivate me to actually use my tools and take action. Keep trucking. Sobriety is great!
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It takes time, friend. I am no stranger to working my ass off for my mental health and feeling like I’ve got nothing to show for it. As some others here can attest, I’ve been trying so hard for so long, and even with some decent sober time it’s still not easy. It can be so draining, and make you feel so powerless. But it never stays this way forever. It does get better.
Some of our problems were entirely due to our substance abuse, and thus some people will experience mental health struggles melting away with increasing sobriety time. For some of us, being clean only gets us part of the way there, because our addiction did not cause it, only made it worse. Sometimes I’m making huge progress, even to the point of feeling “normal” and keeping it there for quite a while, sometimes I am just trying to hang on as I go from crisis to crisis. Usually I am doing the right things to get better, but I have also let myself slide at times and had my progress eroded. I’ve learned a few things. For you, I’d like to just say:
- Mental health progress often doesn’t happen linearly. There can be setbacks, regressions, plateaus, breakthroughs, and at any given time it can appear like things are no longer going to get better. What’s more, we can be the worst assessors of our own situations. The brain biases itself more towards being safe than towards being right, and the more stress or distress you are under, the more that becomes true. Believing things are in bad shape is “safer” than believing everything is okay, because it keeps you aware of and preparing for problems or threats that you may need to address, now or in the future. It is not “right” or “wrong” for your brain to behave this way, it is just what it is, it’s just biology. Just know that that bias is a part of the situation, and keep doing the things that have been working. Don’t think about “is it getting better”, just trust that sticking with a treatment plan will make things better, whether or not you feel that way at a given time.
- Mental health is health. If you seem to be stuck and need more help, consider getting a doctor’s input if you haven’t already. Experiences of depression can be transient (just your brain rebalancing itself after getting sober, for example) or they can be tied to a more chronic problem, which can be clinical depression but also other medical conditions, not necessarily psychiatric. If there is an underlying condition behind your feelings and thoughts of suicide, it’s important to address. This doesn’t necessarily mean medication, even in the case of clinical depression, there are lots of ways that you can be helped.
- You 100% need to stay sober if you want things to get better. So stay the course. Any voice that suggests your DOC can be part of your getting better is wrong. It won’t work. You can’t make reinforced concrete with dynamite sticks for rebar. You can’t waterproof a house with napalm.
Do you have crisis line information for your area? What a lot of people don’t know is that for many of these, you don’t have to be already in an active crisis to get help. Helping before a crisis happens is important to them too. You can just call, say “look, I’ve been struggling”, and just have them listen. You don’t have to believe it’ll fix what you’re feeling, that’s not the point. If you need to be heard, then you need to be heard. If you need connection, you need connection. I have family (and TS members) that cares about me. Sometimes though, for whatever reason, I can’t make it register in my brain, or feel like it’s real, or concrete. At times like this, talking to a crisis line or crisis counsellor in town has helped. And I’ve gotten connected a few times with people I just didn’t click with, but I had success with trying again.
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