Of course you want more. It’s a disease.
What happened to that Sunday meeting idea?
Everything @Conor80 says is a great idea.
For right now. All you got to do is show up at that Sunday meeting. You don’t have to do anything else. Just show up. You are not alone. I firmly believe we must find help outside ourselves to beat this disease of alcoholism. Just surrender and get to that meeting Sunday morning.
How are you doing today? Throw out the remaining alcohol (if any left in the house). Sobriety does not have to start first thing in the morning or right before going to bed - it can start at this moment.
I love the advice you have gotten. The cycle is crazy and can be exhausting but it is possible to break free and gain sobriety. Just do not give up on yourself and keep fighting for the better days.
Connection is key - it is easier to know we are not alone in this fight and to know that the fight is winnable. 
No matter how much you have if you are able to drink more you’ll want it…it’s the devil on your shoulder telling you everything is fine … When it’s not. It lies to you and decieves you into feelings safe…
You are in the right place. Remove all alcohol from your home. It was the way forward for me. Out of sight, out of temptation.
How’s it going Mark.
Did you make it to that Sunday morning AA meeting?
Hey Mark your story really reignated with me. Thanks for showing up here and sharing. How are you doing? Dont beat yourself up about the vodka. It happened. Its over. What can you do now to help yourself get back on track? Thinking of you and sending strength
Mark I’m praying you are okay and find a way through this. Please, please take care of yourself. Maybe since you don’t have employment, checking into a center and getting some professional help is something to check out. You are worth more than that booze my friend. So much more
Hey Mark I hope today is a much better day Buddy! We all fall sometimes. Got to get back up and get at it again. 