Have you tried playing the tape through to the end,what will it look like if you use? Will it send you down a spiral lasting years,cause you to get caught with drugs or even just using for a few days. I,'ve lost a lot of jobs through my drug use could that happen?
This might not help but before throwing away nearly nine months of sobrietynyou should really exhaust all options! Don’t give in just because you can’t get a hold of your support system 
5 Likes
You’re doing the right thing reaching out. Keep reaching out in every way your know how. Get away from your triggers. You have more sober time than I do. There is no going back for us. Hang on. You are going to make it through this.
2 Likes
So pleased your reaching out to us I’ve found lately when I get cravings if I call my sponsor or come on here for help it takes the power away from the craving. If u need to keep checking in on here to share your thoughts just do it someone is always here to help you x
3 Likes
Thank you both for the kind words. Im just overwelmed right now and feel like breaking down and crying right here behind my desk. My mind seems to not be able to focus on anything besides using again. My usual coping mechanisms, like my dogs, are currently 1500 km away. I am trying my hardest to not go beyond this mental relapse, but I feel so hopeless right now. Any tips are more than welcome 
1 Like
If you need to cry just let it all out it might help u feel better. I’m so proud of you for reaching out … that’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past I didn’t reach out and ended up relapsing trust me your feel alot more worse than you do now if u pick up … take it 1 min at a time if you have to x
2 Likes
Some suggestions on how to distract yourself:
The latest meme thread has nearly 1k posts. If you get through that then there are lots of older ones. Or the daily check in thread is pretty busy.
Meditate? Check out insight timer app or YouTube for guided meditations.
Exercise - star jumps, push ups, sit ups. You don’t have to leave the house if that is risky. If leaving the house isn’t risky for you, go for a walk or a run?
Sleep? Sometimes it just helps.
Take a bath?
Read a book? Watch a film? Watch a TV show?
Or just keep checking in here! Welcome to the forum 
4 Likes
Im a little over nine months sober.
What you are feeling is par for the course. I’ve had several moments recently where I didnt think I could do recovery anymore.
They pass. Reaching out here is a huge positive action towards choosing not to. Deep down inside, you dont really want to use. Because you are here! I hope you find the strength to let the craving moment pass.
This place has been very helpful for me to find the strength to let those moments pass.
Im glad your here!
5 Likes
@Hecke
I’m an alcoholic. I pretend I’m not. I can function perfectly well drunk. I even helped my heroine/meth addicted niece the last two years through countless numbers of rehab outpatient clinics, the entire time, I was drunk. I burried my brother last year due to alcoholism and opioid addiction which eventually shut down every organ in his body. I know these addictions well! I’m struggling too. Every single day. I’m here if you need to talk. I have lots of experience, both on and off field. If you know what I mean. I’m realizing that reaching out and being truthful with yourself seems to help me. ( I’ve only been sober for 5 days now) but hey, it’s 5 days, I’ll take it. I need community. I can’t rely on my family, because we have already been through this too much. I can’t rely on my husband, because, of course,he’s an alcoholic. ( he just poured a glass of morning wine) yup, it’s 6am
4 Likes
Morning Justdaytoday. Glad you reached out to others here, I too needed a connection and when I read your post I felt empathy. I buried my Mum and Dad due to an alcohol/ poor health related culture. I fear I could send my self down that road too. I keep managing days, weeks even a month sober then for some reason I relapse believing I’ll be ok I can control, I’m in charge. This community does help and has helped me during my sober spells. I just need to keep checking in. Stay strong and stay in touch if you need too or want too. Many minds make light work. X
1 Like
Thank you. I definitely hate labeling myself because I have seen how people look at you differently. I’ve considered AA, but I’m a weird social butterfly/moth type… Meaning, I’m very social in a comfortable situation, but going somewhere I do not know anyone, scares the heck out of me. I accidentally found this forum, and I seriously need community. Especially since I know there is wine in the fridge, vodka in the freezer. So I’m doing this alone. In a liquor store(figuratively)
3 Likes
Just had a decent cry in the car on my way home from work, taking it 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute at a time.
Thank you
4 Likes
Thank you all for your support. Figure im just going to watch some tv now and let sleep take me if it comes
4 Likes
You have noticed the symptoms. Have you any idea as to the underlying cause? Is there some new stress in your life that you are instinctively looking to escape? Is it that you are so focused on your upcoming 9 month mark that you are mentally creating a justification to use?
2 Likes
Did something happen in your life to put you in this position after 9 months? Either way, stay strong. Hang in there. Keep yourself busy. Go on a walk, read a book, do woodwork, anything to keep yourself busy. You got this bud.
I just came back from holiday. I think its coming back to a home where I dont want to be and with a person here who I have a lot, years, of repressed emotions and emotional trauma from, aswell as stress for upcoming exams and promotion at work with an increase in work load. A combination of all those things.
Maybe also having to do with returning via The Netherlands and being on holiday where I have fond memories of smoking. A lot of triggers in the past few days now that I think about it 
3 Likes
Whereabouts in the world do you live m8,is there a meeting that you could go to that may help?
Keep strong(easy to say). I totally empathise. Just touch base when you need. Any time.
You can do it. 
Belgium. The center that I go to has some sort of group meetings. Perhaps its a good idea to ask my counceler about them.
2 Likes
Or maybe have a look on the AA or NA website depending on what your doc was.
I can’t imagine visiting Holland without smoking but i do aim to do so next year.
1 Like
Hey there! About month 9 i stuggled really hard. I did everything possible not to pick up that first drink. For me, by 9 months i viewed it as a choice. I could choose to relapse, I could to choose change what needed to be changed and stay sober.
2 Likes