I’ve recently been dealing with confusing feelings about my father taking his life. I feel guilty, and at fault sometimes. I’ve done less than well at coping. Any advice or stories that relate would help me I hope. Anyway, happy holidays folx.
5 Likes
Oh my. I’m so so sorry you are going thru this. No advice to offer. Just know I’m holding a space for you and your family in my heart.
1 Like
I am so sorry you are left to deal with this trauma. My brother took his own life 4 years ago after a relatively brief addiction to prescrption opioids. What that choice does to the people who are left behind is gutwrenching. Reach out any time, if you need to talk.
XX
3 Likes
I’m sorry for your loss and what you’re going through.
I hope you find some help navigating your feelings, 
Here’s a little something to read.
I’m so sorry and I honestly can’t begin to imagine the feelings you must be experiencing.
One thing I can say is that I actually did attempt to take my own life in my early 20’s and it had NOTHING to do with anyone else in my life. It was my own feelings of depression and hopelessness along with a bad mix of antidepressants that were all my own demons. No one else, not even my ex-boyfriend who treated me like shit was the cause of my suicide attempt.
To be completely honest, there have been a few other glimpses of that same thought of taking my own life in the past couple of years. It hasn’t been anything I have actually attempted again, but I have felt so low that I have briefly contemplated what it might be like just to jump off that bridge or run into traffic. I feel a bit crazy saying that, but I’m sharing because I want you to know that it is not because of anyone else in my life…no matter how alone I feel sometimes, they are my feelings and even if my husband did more to make me feel loved, when I’m in that moment I’m just not seeing things clearly. I just reminded myself of that and move on. I remind myself that taking my own life would be selfish and hurt the ones I left behind. I’m sorry you were hurt.
1 Like
Sorry that you are dealing with these confusing feelings, regarding your father’s passing. Why do you think you might have contributed to his choice, if it was indeed his choice, and not accidental?
It’s natural for a child to feel some guilt or regret, when a parent dies. Even the healthiest relationship or peaceful passing can trigger regrets such as “I should have found more time to spend with them”, or “I wish I would have hugged them more”…you get the idea.
But non-accidental suicide is a choice. Sad when someone sees their life has reached a point where all the see is a permanent solution to what might very well be a temporary problem, but it’s their choice and no one else’s.
No one can make me take my own life, if I want to live. No one can make me want to live, if I have decided to end my life. Now this assumes some level of rational thinking on my part, but even the most mentally ill person will fignt to live, if they don’t want to die.
If your father’s passing creates an empty place in your life, honor him and mourn him. Grief is a normal human emotion and needs to be experienced and not avoided, if healing is to happen. If your relationship was toxic and dysfunctional, process the negative feelings and then put them behind you.
Whatever you do, stay sober. A clear mind is the best vessel to carry you through this time. I hope you find peace quickly.
2 Likes
My heart goes out to you. There is no defining timeline or a specific way to deal with suicide. I’ve only dealt with close friends, not a family member. That must have a different impact on you. Ether way, there is a lot of guilt and confusion with suicide. I hope you find your peace. Reach out of you need to chat. Hugs.