I am not well.
I can’t stop. With all my might. My own thoughts feelings and behaviour controls me.
I’m about to lose everything, but also have a lot to gain.
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Everyone is at wits end.
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What do I even say.
It’s all been said before.
I’m a good person. Im gonna get sober even if it means doing nothing for a few weeks.
I’m very lonely and struggling financially. It’s been too easy to spend my last money on booze to make me feel better about my situation. Something in my brain flicks over and says “it’s okay, you can drink, you’ll be fine”.
But it won’t be fine. Neither will anyone else around me while I drink and take drugs.
Right now I’m on 6 days no bongs. And about 1.5 day no booze, no drugs.
I’m far behind on rent. Providing nothing for my kids. I’m losing weight. Overwhelming feeling that pushes me closer to alcohol.
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Get yourself to a meeting. Even if it is online. Talking it out is cathartic in a way typing it out isn’t. Share multiple times in different meetings if you need to. You can control your own behaviour. Thoughts and feelings will do their own thing, and they can be damn uncomfortable to sit with, but you are the boss of you. Start working on the first steps of a recovery program. My first tasks for AA (not sure if you have tried already, sorry if you have) were to write out my drinking history and to write out the insanity of my current life and the life I wanted. Writing out my history really made me see the trail down, down, and made me not want to go any further. It scared me, quite frankly. Writing out the two lists made me realize how crazy and not following my values my life was, and made me more motivated to change. You can do it, I believe you can, you believe you can.
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I will have a look at meetings. I’ve never done one properly before. I don’t want to do AA the religion side of it turns me off.
Any recommendations for meetings?
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Hey I am in Melbourne, Australia
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Plenty of meetings in Melbourne if you want to give it a try, I’m not religious and have still found a way to stay sober, AA talks about spirituality but in the beginning for me it was just recognition and realising I’m not alone in this battle….
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There is one near me tomorrow night.
I want to go.
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Just do it, it may be life changing 
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I will go. And will probably post about it tomorrow night.
I hope they don’t want donations, my broke ass isn’t on Centrelink and I’m just about to start work.
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Hey Mick
So sorry that you are feeling this way. Wishing you the best of luck with tomorrows meeting. Hopefully youll becable to find a sponsor to help you.
As you already know, drinking and drugs will not help solve anything and will indeed make things worse. Youve started to pave he sobriety pathway so just keep on going ODAAT! Find some ways to keep yourself busy when the urge strikes. Urges dont last forever. Stay on this site- a great community and the threads are super helpful. I especially have found that the gratitude and checking in daily to maintain focus threads are extremely helpful.
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I never visit that thread. I shall.
Hey, btw
I really appreciate it.
Hi Mick, ive been where you are now, sending u a massive hug first off… you can pull yourself out if this, it absolutely can be done, for now get back to basics…put you and your sobriety first and foremost for now… total focus on yourself …hydrate, eat decent food and be kind to yourself…sobriety is hard so youve gotta be your best mate throughout especially when others arent…anything and anyone that tests your sobriety are gone for now…meetings and this site are great options for support from likeminded people who understand, make this the last time u have to feel like this man, u deserve a better life, sobriety in itself will bring those who are at their wits end closer in time but right now its all about you, dive into everything that will help u stay sober with both feet…dont think just do
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Brilliant, and don’t worry about donating, people will be happy you made it through the door 
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Thanks im def going.
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Ok so…
Day 2 … I booked legal aid appointment for a missed court date while on the last bender.
I booked an intake for drug and alcohol counselling.
Found an AA meeting.
Went for a walk.
Bought groceries. Fruit, veg, meat, bread.
Messaged sick to the boss this morning instead of turning the phone off and getting fired, again.
And have an interview for full time work on Tuesday.
Finally, and importantly, I managed to absorb some of the serious issues my partner raised with me yesterday, after I told her what I had been doing last 2 days.
Thanks everyone. I haven’t felt this low in a while. I will post a sober pic at 7 days. Remind me.
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My suggestion is to keep an open mind, and you’ll be just fine. I discarded AA as not for me in the past. But it is now part of my routine.
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Thats all great to read and a solid start, eat plenty of those good foods and plenty water to drink as first and foremost you need to get yourself well, you can do this i believe i you
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I have been once before.
The only thing I don’t like is the religion stuff.
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You’re a gem. Thanks.
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