I fell off the wagon a week ago and continued drinking until I stopped last night. Today I’m going to at least two AA meetings and starting over. I called in sick for five days and even visited a doctor saying I have a stomach upset when I was just hung over. It’s the same shit all over again except this time I have a really good job. I’ve only been there for two months now and it is really gratifying work and a great opportunity. There is plenty of good people there helping me out and now I feel I’ve let them all down even though no one is suspicious since they don’t know about my past or that I’m an alkoholic. Could someone please advise me how cope with the guilt without the usual self-medication?
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The only way I know of that is tried and tested is to work the twelve steps of alcoholics anonymous, they are designed and set out in a manner that works when done properly and in order, I myself have not yet done them though I will soon enough be working the twelve steps of Na. Through doing them you will largely identify and rid yourself of character defects, make amends to people that you have hurt even if you have to do so indirectly, this allows you to get over the guilt. This is my take on it anyway but in sure somebody with experience of them will possibly provide more insight.
Have you come to the conclusion that you cannot drink normally and more or less everything else has failed then I would seriously consider attending aa. I see a lot of people say on here different reasons why AA or NA isn’t for them though I have only ever read of one person’s reason that was actually justified.
This is me assuming that you havn’t been before, as will save your life, provide your with a fantastic network of sober contacts and support system and its proven to work. From his I understood your post it seemed you have tried most other things so give AA a try, I doubt that you would ever regret it. I sincerely hope you can have a successful recovery 
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I also see that you joined this forum nearly two weeks ago but have only read the information here for around twelve minutes. It is literally proven that the more you use the resources here and read people’s daily battles and success stories and things they have put in to they’re sobriety toolbox and check in here daily then the note successful your sobriety is likely to be. There are people that have hundreds of clean days under they’re belt and it’s no coincidence that they have visited this forum and spent an hour or so a day reading and participating and they have been on here every single day of that sobriety so please read all your can, use the search bar at the top to find topics relevant to you. You can do this if you use this app and allow people, as suggestions to help you
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There’s not a lot more I can add that Gareth didn’t cover. Guilt, shame, disgust, disappointment in ourselves for allowing this to happen again might seem too much to stomach. Do you have a sponsor? Do you have a list of of numbers that you can call? When you want to drink again, call someone. Post here, let us help. You don’t have to this by yourself. Never forget NEVER CRAVE ALONE
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Remember this feeling and don’t do it again. The guilt after drinking was such an awful part of it all for me. Waking up with remorse and self loathing is a lousy way to live. And it’s one of the things I was happiest to shed when I quit drinking. Sounds like despite calling out for five days, you still have the good job, use this as a motivator to stop drinking.
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When I was drinking, especially the last two years, I’d slip out about 2 hours early each day. I made amends for that by working a half hour longer each day (like through part of lunch time) or more. For the last five years I was on that job I did it without telling anyone in the job. I did my cheating without being accountable, I could not therefore take any credit for a change in behavior.
I did that as one of the amends that are part of the 12 steps of AA. I could not have got to the amends without working the previous 8 steps, nor without the guidance of my sponsor.
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Hey! Glad that you’re going To a few meetings today. That’s a fantastic start! I think, for me at least, the way to start dealing with feelings of shame/guilt/disgust was to start acting in another way. Dwelling in the past was something that my alcoholic brain was all to comfortable doing. The more I lived back then, the less responsible I had to be for my current actions. When I got sober I realized that the more I let go of what I used to do, and just kept stacking up days of “good action” (I.e being sober, being truthful, making good choices, showing up for my commitments, working hard) the more the actions of my past lost their death grip on me. The only way out is forward. You’re already making good choices today. Keep up the good fight.
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Good your going to try meetings they help , as for phoning your work when drunk easy to solve dont drink wish you well
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When I was a drunk I’d routinely call in for weeks at a time, would have lost my job a long time ago if it weren’t for the union and their CBA. We’ve almost all been there, done that.
Just get sober and go to work every day, that’s how I made up for my missed time.
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I was awash with guilt about many things when I sobered up. I think back on all the days I worked hungover -and far worse - and shake my head. I didn’t realize the insanity of it at the time - but now I do. In AA, I learned to deal with that guilt. and am slowly letting it go as I make daily amends.
Time helps, as does accumulating days sober, accountable, and honest. I hope I never forget the things I did while drinking; those memories are huge motivation to stay sober.
For me, I had to focus on nothing but not picking up a drink when I first got sober. I counted my sobriety by the hour for a long while. I think I would have been totally overwhelmed if I had tried to immediately fix all the bad I had done - or I would have made amends in a selfish way. With the help of my sponsor, I did my stepwork in a way that made sense and as I was ready.
Know that you will not always feel like this. It gets better. This forum was (and is) a lifeline for me. I check in daily. Seeing people accumulate sober days and years here is such motivation - and now I have friends here and get to celebrate their successes. For me, connection with others is key to staying sober.
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Well, you cannot change the past, but you sure as heck can make sure it never happens again. Imagine your pride and self esteem at showing up, being fully present and doing a great job at work. Definitely something that is achievable. You never have to feel that guilt or shame again, put it behind you and move forward in sobriety. You won’t regret it.
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