121 days and I feel like a brand new person. I can’t get liquor out of my mind and it’s making me crazy. Does this ever go away? Why can’t I look at booze the way I look at a broccoli… I know the answer, it’s because I’m addicted to alcohol. I feel so guilty for wanting to drink, wanting to be the person that I was a year ago. I should be happy for my achievement so far, but I’m sad today.
5 Likes
What are you doing for your sobriety besides abstaining?
You are right, you should be proud. I am right about the same number of days and i know exactly what you are saying. I have a few delicious foods that cause an anaphylactic reaction when i eat them so i have mentally lumped alocohol with shrimp, both are delicious and i would love to have either but doing so would kill me, so i can’t. I know it’s cheating, but it is effective.
I’m attending AA meetings every Sunday and I have an awesome sponsor. I’m just new at all of this… the 12 steps, the big book is something that I just started. I guess I’m having a hard time feeling emotions that I used to cover with alcohol… it’s hard for me. I feel defeated even though I haven’t caved. I can’t cave… I can’t start all over… but wow I’d love a drink.
I’m trying to find a trigger… I don’t know what caused this trigger today. Today is just a hard day for me…
@ariana2607 Here’s some homework for you…start a sobriety journal (keep inspiration, quotes, mood tracker, etc in here)
*Write a goodbye letter to your addiction (as if it was a person, a toxic ex)
*Write a love letter to your new, sober self
*Make a list of 20 reasons why you want to be sober
*Make a list of 20 reasons why you shouldn’t drink today
*Make a list of 10 things you are grateful for
*Make a bucketlist of 10 things you’d like to do in sobriety (no limits)
*Make a list of 20 things you used to enjoy (hobbies, interests, dreams, etc)
*Write a positive affirmation that sings to you and post it on the bathroom mirror
7 Likes
I’m sitting here with my pen and notebook. I’m going to write my goodbye letter tonight. Thank you for giving me something else to focus on. @Melrm
7 Likes
Hi @ariana2607 I’m sorry you are having difficulty. I had 13 months then relapsed, so you always have to be on guard. 121 days is amazing! and you should be proud, but as @Melrm mentioned abstaining is not the same as sobriety. After a few months it is usually the right time to start addressing why you drink, and building on positive life changes to replace it. I have more work myself, but have made some positive changes.
Some useful links are found here:
2 Likes