Why do I still let him control my emotions even though we’re not together, he’s still in my life. I still talk to him daily… we have been friends for 25 plus years, and he’s in another relationship he got with her when I was in rehab, I still love this jerk… I just can’t shake him!! I feel so stupid for even trying to be friends
11 Likes
Letting go is hard, change is hard but change is a fact of life. Nothing, good or bad, lasts forever. It sounds to me like a clean break is in order, no need to be friends right now. Best wishes to you.
9 Likes
It took me 1.5 years to get over my last relationship, and we never talked once since we split. Though, that was bc of how he treated me during that relationship, and what it did to me. It was hatred rathet than love, and I was still drinking during that time. I think thats why it was so drawn out.
I have tried the ‘let’s be friends’ route in the past and honestly, it doesnt work out. You will harvest resentments and it could become toxic, which is not what you need in recovery. 25 years is a long time to know someone, and hard to imagine them not in your life, but you’ll be much better off mentally cutting those ties. Work on yourself for a while. Your emotions will even out one day.
Welcome BTW 
6 Likes
So that was nice for him to get with someone while u were in rehab 
ive been through alot of heartbreak so i get how ur feeling but i do agree with the others in that a clean is needed, i know its hard but try and take this time to concentrate on u…allow yourself some time to heal from the breakup and focus on your sobriety, love and hugs from me 
3 Likes
It’s so hard to do!! He shows up to check on me if he hasn’t heard back, he treats me well but I just feel so rejected and replaced… he does want what’s best for me I do know that for a fact… I’ve tried to cut off ties but after a day or so I break and check in… ughhhh I don’t want to lose him and ruin our friendship but I feel like holding on is ruining it even more?? I’ve got to be strong and just stop
7 Likes
He cant be with someone else then keep showing up its not fair on u…its your choice obv but if it was me it cut contact and tell him to leave me alone, your not on your own u have all of us here to support u if u need us xxx
2 Likes
It’s hard my relationship had ended when I was In rehab that’s a bitch, mine wasn’t 25 years but it’s still rough,
Time takes time, let me tell you that much, it took me about a year and a half to let go of that relationship but I eventually did.
I understand being helpful and supportive, but might I suggest setting some Boundaries, like you can talk and such but him showing up and all isn’t healthy for the healing process,
3 Likes
I learned this lesson the hard way but it’s one that has made me much stronger-- don’t ever beg someone to be in your life. Period.
Therapy helped me move on.
2 Likes
I think in this case that things you have to do to keep sober are needed here. Certain People places and things have to be removed from our lives in order for us to keep moving forward. Your overall health both mentally and physically is more important. I know it’s easier said than done but he needs to be cut out of your life in order to protect yourself. You will heal you are strong and you can overcome this. All things in their time.
2 Likes
This guy reminds me of booze. What an ass.
3 Likes
Yeah toxic ex’s are like alcohol to someone in recovery and they both deserve the same fate.
3 Likes
That real life block button.
1 Like
I’m sorry for your situation. Sounds like it’s real love you guys have for one another. Also sounds like he’s halfway out the door with a new person in his life already. It will be difficult to cut ties with him but it would benefit everyone. Concentrate on your recovery and find people that are like minded at meetings to talk about it. I guarantee you someone in one of those AA rooms have gone thru what your going through right now and you can talk to them about how they stayed sober thru a life choice. Learning how to stay sober through this will only make your recovery stronger down the road, because then you can use this as a tool and say, “hey, I stayed sober through that then why can’t I stay sober thru this too. One line I was told by a lady in program was to tell him that " You are too spiritually sick to have him around and perhaps in the future when you feel better than you might be able to talk.” Good luck and always reach out to someone to get it off your chest, if you can’t do that then pen to paper always helps.
2 Likes
I wish I had something profound to help you with this; you have to decide when you’ve had enough. I know it’s hard. But you need to put that wasted energy into YOU.
Stay strong,
1 Like
Welcome ! I understand. I tried the friend thing with my ex. He’s a real dick! He’d tell me he wanted the best for me and that I should move on, date other people since he’d reconciled with his wife after 3 years apart.
I’d go out and he’d break into my house and I’d come home and find him in my bed.
It wasnt until I got blackout drunk and sent his wife an email about how he’d never not spoken to me ever that he finally got the message we weren’t friends and couldn’t be friends. Best mistake I made while drinking.
I don’t think you can maintain that connection while you’re getting sober.