I am having a terrible day. I am doing everything right. I have not drunk in 53 days, I’ve started going to the gym, I read, study language and watch movies. But it isn’t working, I am so lonely and so miserable I feel that today I just cannot do life anymore, I am so crushed right now.
I feel hopeless, I cannot get out of my head, I think about my life I am 31, having to retake a year of university, I don’t have many friends, I don’t know how to communicate my feelings to my family I don’t know how to ask for help, the mental health services never contacted me back so I have just been left to my own devices, trying so hard to just exist and I am getting weaker and weaker. I don’t understand why, I am so tired, so fucking tired of trying to be a ‘man’ of being strong, meeting societies expectations, I don’t have anything, I’m outwardly smiley, I am outwardly positive, but I am fucking miserable and angry in my heart, I don’t even know what I am angry at. I don’t know what to do, where to turn or who to turn too.
Ive been alone for years, so alone, I’ve had to be strong through a lot of shit, and ive dealt with it all on my own, because no one understands me and i cant make them understand because i literally don’t know how. My life is run by my anxiety which is fucking up every aspect of my social life apart from that of a couple of very close friends and i dont know if they would understand my feelings and i dont want to dump on them.
I might just be having a bad day and need to vent, but i feel so overwhelmed, im a 31 year old man and i want to cry but i have no one to cry with, no one who will hold me, show me some empathy and tell me it’ll me okay, for years. Im tired of being alone.
Sorry i think i just needed to vent. I hope tomorrow will be a better day
oh. i’m sure a lot of ppl on here would want to give you a big hug and let you cry it out.
I can understand the feeling of overwhelm but I was never trusting enough to make a post about it. you are tho.
when I read your post I think to myself: this dude is on a good path. becuase you are supposed to have these breakdowns at your stage of sobriety, early. over the first few weeks and months, the illusions you’ve made about yourself and your life are slowly supposed to begin to show themselves as such. if you drank to deal w the fact that you’re actually unhappy and anxious and lonely feeling, now is exactly the time for these feelings to make it into consciousness, finally.
now, you’ve probably self-medicated for a good long time, I did too, so it was extremely hard for me to land in reality. it took a few years. according to my therapist, I’ve still not landed in some ways. so if this shit hurts, yes, you’re doing it right. accept it. cry. validate your own feelings, you have denied yourself that for a long long time.
being lonely sucks. anxiety sucks. and whatever it is that is making you so anxious probably sucks royally too.
you continue to do what you are doing and you add more: therapy, counselling, self help, whatever you can afford. and you begin building a life where you give yourself what you need. this is not done in a few weeks. but feeling your feelings and living in your reality is where it has to start. so you are doing awesome my friend. even if today is a hard day.
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
check out this thread.
much love.
Joe
Thanks for reaching out. I have found rearranging my life post addiction very lonely at times, and it’s an ongoing struggle but you are not alone.
Did you know that the most common answer amongst men to the question “how many friends do you have you can really rely on” in the U.K. is zero. None. Shocking isn’t it?
You’ve identified loneliness. What can you do to put yourself in a comfortable situation to meet people? Are there scenarios where you feel more comfortable? You mention gym- is there a class you could take part in? You don’t even have to speak to anyone, you can feel connected just by starting doing the same thing.
Good luck man and keep coming back for support ok?
Thanks for the kind responses guys. I am having a bad day I guess. Feeling better this evening, having a restful time. Guess i just needed to vent. Appreciate you both taking the time to read this and help.
Sorry you were feeling low; how’re you feeling now??
I remember you from your earlier post about going to a book club, and your success after attending 
I agree with your sentiments (unspoken) - Making friends as an adult just sucks; but - finding yourself and what you enjoy now is liberating, and can be the way to find other like-minded individuals who can grow into friends.
And as evidenced by this thread, you have a community who is rooting for you!!
I feel ya brother. Was having a bit of an off day myself.
It’s been said, but if you seek more companions, ya just gotta find a way to be in the vicinity. Join groups, yoga, hiking clubs could all lead to some more friendships.
These days come and go it seems at this stage, so we just keep doing the things we know that will help long term.
I am digging music while I work out in the basement. I’m down there 2.5hrs per session and it helps me. Venting or getting it off your chest here, as I realized today is also therapeutic it seems.
Keep reaching out man. This is a great community to offer support and wise words.
Best to you my friend.
Im feeling more positive today, just got out the gym and about to start on some work. I think i was having a bad day. Usually im pretty self sufficient but i get the odd day when the cracks show. Back to book club next week too!
Thanks a lot for the kind words. Gym is like a cheat code for low mood lol! Just finished a shoulder and spin session, feel amazing. Much brighter today. Appreciate the pep talk from all of you. It has really put me in a lighter mood.
Just the ups and downs of life I suppose. Now that it’s not buried in a booze fog, we gotta deal with it.
Glad you are feeling up man!
Hey Joseph,
I was sure I replied yesterday, sorry.
I’m glad to hear you are feeling better today 
I do think that life is full of upside downs, with the downs hitting harder. I’m sorry that the mental health team failed to contact you; please do a self referral through your local team. In London it’s CNWL and you can self refer… I’m in the waiting list now for counselling as I didn’t see how CBT tools could help a struggling mind right now. Since then and my assessment I learned you can self refer also. Worth checking out. Don’t be shy about asking for this help.
Other resources I use:
YouTube for programmes and talks on mental health
Thrive App.
I take CBD oil daily if I need to.
Ted talks
Podcasts like Huberman, Modern Wisdom. Some specific anxiety ones also, just search anxiety.
The gym will raise your endorphins, maybe keep looking for the activity or class that makes your engine rev. We are all different.
You are young and doing the best for yourself at 31. Be proud and keep going. 