I can feel the pain in your words, and I can relate 100%.
So interesting, I just posted this meme on the mental health meme thread and I feel its very fitting for your post.
Doing this alone is so difficult, I also tried. My whole life I have been misunderstood by my parents, mismedicated by my Drs, even misdiagnosed… My whole life I masked because I was either too much or not enough. My whole life until now…
I pushed away the idea of joining a group of recovering addicts for so many years because I was full of judgement and fear. I was so used to finding the differences between myself and others that it was my go to game, and I was able to justify the shit out of staying clean “my way”, on my own. It didnt work.
5 years ago I was so desperate to find freedom I went to NA, and I immediately felt seen, heard and a true sense of compassion and empathy from the addicts who were recovering together. I fit in for the forst time. For the first time i didnt have to explain the crazy shit that happens in my head. For the first time I felt a part of.
My first sponsor handed me a piece of gold that I have held into since. Its simple, “choose your audience wisely” I dont share things with people who have no experience with what I need to talk about, and its made a huge difference in how my relationships look today.
Im sorry you feel that way, and I truly get it. Feeling alone in the world…I was never alone, it was my choices that were making me feel that way.
Sending big hugs. 
