Hey everyone,
Im sorry to bring such negativity but i really have no clue where else to say this and just need to get it off my chest. Tomorrow i will be sober for 650 days and im proud of that and i know life is so much better sober. But lately, i just feel so fucking broken inside and my anxiety is just awful, i feel unhappy with life its always 1 step forward 10 steps back, i dont make a lot of money and am in an extreme amount of debt that i feel like i have no hope of ever paying off. Im 28 year’s old im stuck at a dead end job barely making ends meet. Im married to an amazing woman and i love her and am happy with her but i just have a feeling inside of me of hopelessness, brokenness and just empty and lost… honestly, just sad. And i know a drink would make everything worse because for me i can never have 1 and i will never even want just 1 i want a whole bottle, a whole case, i want a blackout. Thats the drinker that i am.
Anyways ive rambled i dont even know the point of this or what, i just really needed to get it off my chest somewhere. Thanks for listening.
Hi @Wolf182, great to have you back! Have you talked to your spouse about your feelings? A problem shared etc…
I’m sorry you’ve hit a rough patch. I don’t have any advice since you’re doing better than me with your days, but I wanted to send hugs your way and let you know you aren’t alone. 
I hope tomorrow looks a little better.
Your broken because you need Jesus to fill that void. Its a God shaped emptiness in your soul that only he can fill. All you have to do is ask him to come in to your heart and save your soul. He did that for me 30 years ago and he gave me a sense of purpose. Without him there is no life…
How very inappropriate to tell someone what they do and do not need and to ram religion down their throat. Can you do better next time, @1dettron?
Firstly, congrats on the upcoming milestone! Thats an impressive amount of time. One day at a time.
I can sense your despair and hopelessness.
What are you doing for your recovery? Sobriety,abstaining from alcohol, is one piece. Recovery is the work you do to mend that feeling of brokenness that caused you to turn to drugs and/or alcohol.
Personally, i like the serenity prayer because it helps me acknowledge things outside my control, things within my control, and i ask for the strength to know the difference. What of your situation can you change? What actions can you take? What steps can you take to address all these stressors and discontent?
P.s. highly recommend dave ramseys snowball effect with paying off debt. Shoot to payoff smaller balances to get the feeling of progress then tackle those debts with higher interest.
I sense your hopelessness with your sitch. Ive been there. Make a plan. Dig your way out/thru. There is hope my friend
I 100% was feeling this a couple of months ago.
I had to dig deep and step up my program to fight off that first drink.
I have a very reckless part of me that wanted to go all in on Fuck everything, Lets blow it up and watch it all burn!
Fortunately, I also have a voice of reason that first got me to open up and talk about it. From there I was able to start focusing on the solutions. and now a couple of months later, everything has changed. I still have most of the same worries. They feel manageable now.
I no longer feel like diving head first into the bottle.
For me; I noticed I sometimes feel like I should be able to be more stable financially. I quit drinking. That saves me tons of money. Yet, sometimes I struggle to pay the rent. Then I get mad at sobriety, and start to think that its not worth it.
Its the voice of my alcoholism. Its always there. Waiting…
Don’t do it! Its a trap!
@Wolf182 …are you perhaps clinically depressed? Have you sought help? Not a doctor, but maybe you need medication? Im sorry for your hopelessness.
Hello there 
. New here, only 13 days in, and I’m the exact same drinker you just described… The depression may be physiological, but it may very well be the financial struggles. Debt combined with barely making ends meet can and will cause anyone to lose their mind… have you you looked into options to alleviate the debt??? I know because I’ve been there
Congratulations on 650 days!
My first 3.5 years of sobriety were extremely hard. Not in trying to stay sober but in dealing with life in general. I had an active alcoholic husband, a toxic job that didn’t pay enough and debt piling up. I started each day with asking myself “what can I do today to better my situation?” Some days I didn’t accomplish much more than making a few phone calls, but at least I was doing something.
Life’s challenges slowly got better with time and effort. My 5 year anniversary is coming up and my life is completely different (better). My husband is in recovery, I changed careers tripling my salary, and now debt fee.
Throwing sobriety away did cross my mind at times but they were only fleeting thoughts. What helped me to face all those challenges was working my recovery program with the help of AA. Knowing as long as I kept my sobriety a priority, everything will work out just as it’s supposed to.
You’re here and you’re still sober - that’s huge! Keep doing the next right thing.
Thank you so much everyone for all your responses and support, it means the world!
Hi @Wolf182 sorry to hear of your despair and sadness stick around on here with us and allow people to pick you up when your down and take advice from the people who’ve posted to you on here we’ve got you 
@1dettron what was that !!! this is a “sober forum” not a “preaching pedestal” and it is not kind to tell people they have no life without Jesus🙄 many of us are not religious and this is certainly not church
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I wish I could help you. I’m proud of you staying sober for 650 days!! I’m sure your wife is as well. I’m sending virtual hugs your way. Keep sharing what you’re going through. We are here to support you and encourage you. 
Also, i do believe in God and Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior… that doesnt mean how im feeling isnt valid or isnt real or anything like that, i came on here just looking to get things off my chest and vent and find some support from a community of fellows that all are striving for the same sobriety and better life. So i dont need to be told to accept Jesus, because i already have… that has nothing to do with the post. So kindly please take that attitude elsewhere, thank you.
Again, thank you to all who have replied im reading each word and it means the world. Truly.