Hi my name is Jayme and I have been clean for 10 months. I got clean because I had a baby and my choices were to get clean or lose my beautiful daughter to CPS and to me that just wasn’t an option. Which I am grateful for her every day!!
Anyways yesterday my mom approached me and told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce and that was that! There was no fixing it this time there was nothing anyone could do or say to change it. My parents have been married for 30years now. They have made it through everything and now this time enough is enough!!
The only way I know to deal with this is to get high. Thats all I want to do. No matter what the consequences might be. I feel like I need to make this pain and hole in my hear go away and the only way to do that is to give up and get high!! Thats why I am writing this post. Its my first time ever posting and I’ve gone through and looked at other posts, but today I felt like I needed to get this out!! I feel like I needed to ask for some sober support and not go to what I know. Try something different this time. So that’s what I am doing.
I know that people deal with stuff everyday and don’t get high but most of those people probably aren’t addicts and if they are they have a good support system behind them. But what do you do when your support system is the thing thats falling apart and is the thing that is making you feel like you need to pick back up and use because you know it will take all your pain away simple as that! Get high the pain is gone. Get high again the pain is gone.
Thats what I know and thats what I am trying to avoid! So any suggestions and help is much needed!! Thanks for reading!!!
1st of all congratulations on the 10 months! 2nd, I’m sorry to hear about your parents. You started this post talking about your daughter, that makes me think you have the biggest reason and support right there. She is hoping for you to stay clean, and doesn’t even know it. As far as your parents support, just bc it won’t be in the same way doesn’t mean they won’t still be there for you. I hope you get through this!
I totally understand that. And I’m sorry, that is hard to deal with. sure get high the pain may go away, for what a few hours? Then you’ll want to get high again. So in reality the pain will never go away. Stay sober, and the pain will actually go away in time, and you need to stay healthy for you and your daughter… Welcome to the community and congrats on your ten months.
When i was dealing with a bad breakup from my controlling/manipulating fiance of 7 years i ran, did kick boxing, jujitsu, crossfit, rode my bike, went surfing or hiking- anything that wore me out. It gave my emotions, anger & emptiness a release and wore me out enough that i could sleep.
(sorry i know it’s not quite the same)
It is good to share and get it out, talking or writing is also a release and helps to work through the emotions.
The pain will get better eventually. Wishing you love in the hard time & strength to work through it!
Ok, welcome and well done on 10 months. That’s really good going. Long enough to have really built up ways of dealing with life’s crap without using again.
If you have had kids then you must be an adult yourself.
Your parents are still going to be there as support for you just not together.
You aren’t loosing them! But unfortunately their time together has come to an end.
It’s never great to see our mum and dad splitting up, them being together all our lives used to be a constant that most people could rely on. These days not so much.
As I said, your support network is still there, and how do you think they would feel if you went back out again, and what about your daughter. CPS is still there!
“When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail”
My hammer was booze, and the nail was literally EVERYTHING! Pain, pleasure, joy, anger, frustration, happiness, sorrow, indifference, boredom.
For years, I used that hammer to cope. When I quit, I could no longer hammer away, I had to find new ways to cope. A lot of the coping was feeling emotions, thinking about it, asking my self: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? Is it rational to feel this way? Can I change the situation? If so, how and should I? If not, is it worth losing sleep over? How can I prepare for the unknown? What can I do right now to improve my situation?
This was my new process, really diving in to what I was feeling and looking for solutions, not escapes.
It took practice, lots and lots of practice to be able to cope with tough situations, and I am still practicing. Truthfully, I always will be.
I am sorry to hear about your folks, I really am, but forget the hammer it is of no use to you now.
When the sun sets it isn’t gone. It’ll be back again the next morning. It will always be there, whether we can see it or not. You can get high and hide the pain, but it’ll come back. It’ll always come back.
I’ve used a program of recovery in order to address the things in my life that caused me to use. Fear, insecurities and ego. Always ego. I definitely have a great support system, but people are fallible. They can make mistakes. They can let you down. What I did learn from my support system is how to utilize a higher power and program of recovery so that when people fail, I can still succeed in my sobriety.
