I know there have been lots of threads about visiting friends, I’ve read quite a few of them and got some very helpful tips and strategies, but I’m feeling worried about the weekend and hoping for some reassurance.
One of my close friends died and it’s the fourth anniversary coming up. I’m in touch with his parents and have helped organise a get together at theirs this weekend. I have known them and the group of people since I was 15 (now 30) and we’ve always drank together. A couple of friends know I’m not drinking, I’ve planned drinks to take and I will drive which will keep me sober.
Relapsing into drinking isn’t really the main thing I’m worried about, not everyone there is a heavy drinker although I’ll certainly be the only sober one and that will be weird for me. It might be weird for other people given the amount I used to drink.
A couple of friends I’m going with know I’m not drinking, but I don’t know how to approach it with everyone else. I don’t speak to them regularly as I don’t live in the area any more and they won’t know that I’ve not been going out etc. I don’t know if I should say anything in advance or just wing it and try and act light and breezy. Although I love all of the people I will see and I know they care for me, I don’t really want to get into my reasons for not drinking as 1. This party isn’t about me and 2. A lot of people that will be there do drink heavily and I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Writing it down it just doesn’t seem at all like a big deal, but this is my first proper test of being sober (1.5months in) and it’s all going round in my head and I needed to get it out.
Honestly, its not advised but im around alcohol a lot. I just know, that if i drink then im going to be an idiot. So thats what i say lol. Like nahh ill be an idiot. But no one is going to care as much as you think they will. Most people actually will be surprised and happy for you.
Hi @siand . It is good that you are giving it some thought…I have had the same thoughts too in the past… firstly 1.5 months is great but still this will be a big test for you…see it as a challenge something you can do and be proud of…as for other people asking why you are not drinking… there are a number of approaches… straight up and honest, I am not drinking as I feel much better for staying of alcohol…I want this weekend to be special as it is important to remember our lost friend and to catch up with everyone and being sober is the right thing for me to do…or say you are on medication so cannot drink…most people will not be that bothered…if they are then that’s there problem… also be prepared to have a go to bed early excuse/need to be on my own etc. If things are getting tough. Usually as the night goes on and people get more drunk the conversation gets repetitive or just plain boring/stupid so leave go to bed etc. They probably won’t even notice as they are drunk…as you said this is about remembering your friend who has passed away so don’t make it a memory where you made bad choices…stay strong you are doing the right thing…I hope it goes well for you… you seem really strong
I had to go into s drinking situation over New Years Eve long weekend at only 3 weeks sober and I got through it by:
having a temporary sponsor (sober new friend) who said she would be there for me anytime. Just knowing that was helpful. Reach out if you feel like drinking
brought my AA Big Book with me and read it at night . There are also you tube AS& N/A Speakers
discovered this app! Reading other people’s stories helps me
determination to not take the first drink. Play it out . One drink is not enough and 100 is too many. It would not end well
think thru what’s right for you. I told the people only on a need to know basis. I’m private about my journey - you don’t owe any one an explanation but you can try out saying No thanks
exit plan in place. My sobriety comes first. Leave when you need to.
That experience made me super strong. I’m 557 days off drugs and booze and life is amazing on this side!!! ️:laughing:
@Zach_Jividen I know I will be an idiot/end up doing something I regret/forgetting everything so that is what keeps me determined! I think you’re right that it won’t be as big a deal to everyone else as it is to me.
@Robketts great advice on things to say, thank you! I actually do have a go to bed early excuse as I want to drive home early in the morning, get a good walk in and watch the England match (Ingerlaaand!)
@Eliz Yes! Just don’t have the first drink. I plan to have something non-alcoholic in my hand at all times. Maybe people won’t even notice?! Congratulations on 557 days and thanks for sharing what’s worked for you.
If I’m headed into a situation with drinking involved, I will usually reach out in advance to whoever I am closest to that is also going and let them know the deal, almost like the “buddy system” in a way.
Example: during my last stretch of sobriety, i was headed to a party for my friends’ birthday. My good friend Eddie was also going, so i reached out to him a few days before and said “Hey Eddie, as you know im not drinking anymore. I feel like the party this weekend could be a real test for me. I will hit x number of days sober soon, and I really dont want to mess that up. I should be ok, i feel strong, but just keep an eye on me. No drinking for me under any circumstance, no excuses. If im going to try to, just ask me to think about it”.
He obliged, and it was no pressure on him…didnt ask him to stop me, just to be the “angel on my shoulder” to ask me to reconsider should i think about drinking. Worked like a charm, didnt need him to help me out. It was enough for me to know that someone else there knew that I couldnt drink no matter what.
Sorry to revive this - seems like ages ago - but I realise I didn’t say thank you all for your advice and let you know how it went. I had a great time. One of my friends isn’t a big drinker and we bought ingredients for nice non-alcoholic drinks (would recommend pineapple juice and ginger ale with strawberries and mint!). If people offered me a beer from the cooler I just said no thanks. One of my other friends actually told people I haven’t had a drink for 6 weeks when I was inside making a drink and I got quite a few people congratulating me which was nice! And another friend turned up who was doing the same as me so there were a few of us not drinking.
I did leave early because I was getting tired and had an early morning, I felt bad and missed being part of the 4am crew to some extent but I got over that quickly enough. I actually feel like I really reconnected with some people I haven’t spoken to for a while and am so glad I can remember that! Actually have some amazing memories from a special night.
️:laughing: