So new years eve in 2015 is when i met Jessica, who was my partner until she passed in the summer of 2016. Im almost a full year sober (Jan 25 marks a year) so this whole past year has been so difficult amd i keep hitting significant days in our relationship (when we met, when she passed, her birthday, valentines, etc.) and fuck the grief hits all over again. It gets a little easier each time but it still hurts. Its so frustrated cause i keep thinking its over and im fine and i dont miss her anymore but i do. And i hate it.
A little more about our relationship. I knew her for years before we ever started dating, we reconnected new years eve 2015 and we hooked up, one thing led to another and we dated until July 17th of 2016. We both partied and did drugs a lot, she passed of a heroin overdose. I woke up the next morning to her cold body and i did cpr for 27 minutes and called 911. The paramedics took over when they arrived but she didnt make it. I dont mention this part much but she proposed on the 11th of July. We were both so high idk how genuine it was but i was so happy regardless. She was pretty abusive at times, and I wonder why i miss her so much. Its complicated and im still processing it in therapy now.