I’ve always been a relatively heavy drinker, but over the past year I developed an all too regular cocaine habit, which exacerbated my existing tendencies for sure. I found that when I’m off drugs and alcohol my nerves are shot and I’m either depressed, agitated, or both. My focus is slipping, my anxiety is through the roof, and I see my future slipping away unless I get a grip now. I think it was when I emptied my savings entirely that I realized I needed to change everything.
I’m only 3 and a half days in, but there is something markedly different about my mental attitude right now. I’ve given up coke and alcohol and am ready to start learning how to live sober. Its strange to realize how unfamiliar that actually is. It’s probably been years since I was sober for an entire week. At this point even these three days feel like an accomplishment. I quit smoking cigarettes about a month and a half ago, and while the habits I’m working to kick now are different, I’ve noticed some parallels in the mental attitude required for success. When the headaches and sickness stop, I’ll be happy, but I know these are just the growing pains and well worth it. I’ve started Taekwondo as a way to motivate myself and stay fit; after finishing some of the hardest workouts I’ve ever done in my life, my desire to drink is minimal. The cocaine definitely still has its hooks in me, but my finances are in shambles and I’m so ashamed at my lack of willpower that the only way forward is to do what I’ve always known I need to. I’m going to start putting away the money I would spend on blow as a fund to start a business growing produce and (if we’re lucky and slip into a newly legal market) cannabis. A simple farming life amongst nature would do me well.
Thank you to everyone on here for your stories and tales of your struggles. It means a lot to see other people understand what I’m going through. We all have better lives waiting for us on the other side of all this shit.
Until then, much love and strength to you all 