This is probably so stupid but I have to get it out before I explode! Apparently I have upset a very close friend of mine because of a stupid ass oversight and now I feel like shit. I guess it doesn’t even matter what it was because it was completely trivial and I apologized for it several times…but I’m getting the silent treatment! Ok so I didn’t tag him in an upcoming activity on Facebook!! Like really?? I woke up at 415 am for a run and then worked a 10 hour day 
I have not spent much time with him as of late because he is someone I used to heavily drink with and had to pull back…so because of that fact he is not at the forefront of my mind. But I didn’t intentionally leave him out and now I’m sitting here feeling like such a piece of shit for hurting his feelings, but pissed at the same time because he’s deliberately trying to hurt mine. It’s his birthday tomorrow and he won’t answer my messages. I’m not in danger of relapsing or anything, I just hate that things like this keep me from sleeping. I love him very much but this shit is so immature I can’t take it. I have changed my life and habits so much that it has changed my relationships with certain people…but why is it all on me?? I know he’s upset about feeling left out but I know it’s also because we haven’t been around. But he hasn’t called me in ages…
Thank you for taking the time to give me your perspective 
I know I need to leave it alone. I think the real problem is our relationship is changing and that sometimes causes hurt feelings. I have a close girlfriend who got sober about 8 years ago and subsequently disappeared from all of our groups usual get togethers (you can guess what the recreational activity was). At the time, I was upset with her because I thought she was turning her back on us. That she got all “high and mighty.” In reality she was trying to save her marriage (Which ironically is part of what I’m trying to do now) But I couldn’t understand past my own feelings at the time. For the friend I referenced in the original post, I think he may be going through similar emotions. We were very close and spent almost every weekend (and a lot of weekdays too) together with his wife and my husband. But the alcohol was always a thing. It was the epicenter of everything we did together. And frankly i don’t think I can have a candid conversation with him about why I’ve chosen to stop and why that means we’ll spend less time together. He is in the place I was for years defending my ever worsening drinking problem. I work hard all week blah blah blah. I feel better just saying it out loud. Thanks again for the time you showed me. I know it sounded pretty silly but it evoked so much for me this evening 
Our man @Fargesia_murielae covers it pretty well. But yes, this is all on your friend.
You have done nothing wrong
I totally get the frustration. I mean, we are trying to better ourselves, become better for others, and they make it all about themselves. BUT… We have made huge changes and sometimes we need to be selfish. Sometimes we need to realize that other people’s emotions and reactions are their own. We can’t control them. We have to accept them and move on, whatever that means for us. You may have been hurt when your other friend pulled back, but you know the reasons now. When you were upset, that was your reaction, your emotion. This thing is your friends reaction and emotions. You clearly can’t change it, so accept it and move forward.
These situations suck, but unfortunately they happen. Huge changes create huge changes. Think about how maybe he now has one more reason to get his own shit together, how maybe you have opened a door for him to become healthy. Be a good example, be strong. Maybe he will join you in this journey one day.
That doesn’t sound as a good supportive friend to me… sometimes it’s the best thing to leave people alone who aren’t good for you anymore, especially from the past. People come and go, that’s life. You’ve mentioned that he was your drinking buddy in the past. I would say let it go! I also had to let my best friend go by breaking the contact and he was like a brother to me, but he also didn’t support me anymore and ignored me when I needed his support the most, because I chose to get sober and I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore because he was still using. You also don’t need people like that in your life, so move on! You’re already doing a great job and deserve credits because of your ambition and sobriety!
You have it figured it out pretty good Katie. I’m losing some friendships now I’m sober. Turns out these friends were just drinking buddies in the last years, whatever they were to me before. With others I can still have a good relationship not based on drinking together. it’s tough for you but it’s not easy for your friend too. He’s losing you unless he changes (meaning he’s willing to do stuff with you not involving getting drunk together). He does act like a jerk now and maybe this friendship is ending. Hard for you both. You keep doing you. You’re doing good. He can come around or not. Which would be too bad but indeed sometimes friendships end. Congrats on being sober!
I don’t mean to sound harsh but we do need to change people places and things to keep our sobriety. I had to let so many people go out of my life so I had a chance to recover from my addiction. Your friend sounds a bit toxic and playing silly games by not replying to u … maybe he’s jelous that u r getting your life back . When i got clean a few old so called friends would say things to me like yea see u in the pub soon !! They r not in my life anymore and I don’t miss anything from my past friendships… Keep growing in sobriety cos it’s a beautiful clean and soba x
I find many people tend to be forgiving of things they themselves can forgive. This is because it is all they understand, all they have experienced. Some people act in certain ways doing certain things they expect forgiveness for but don’t forgive in return. It’s hard forgiving people of worse crimes than you yourself have committed. We are limited. It’s natural. However, you’ve apologised. Though this is or can be a personal journey, perhaps giving him a glimpse of your struggle may help him get it… People tend not to get things until you reallllly tell them… Plus people are proud, some things take a little time. Let it marinade… Perhaps one last message explaining a bit of your struggle. And just leave it at that… I can’t say as I don’t know the all of both sides… Usually again… People huff for a bit and time wins out… Be fair, polite and unbias… Should you chose this idea… And good luck, you’re trying at a better life, stay on the path… And chin up!!
Edit in here
And sorry I sound like a Saint or a counselor… Or something… I get pretty defensive when the same happens to me…
I never thought of it that way 
perhaps you are right though…
He’s actually a wonderful man, just very sensitive. And so am I…not a great mix in this situation 
He will always be my friend, it’s just going to be at a different level
Thank you Geo. I struggled so badly thinking that I really hurt his feelings. It’s honestly the last thing I ever want to do, even to people I don’t much care for. I have moved on from it though. I sent him a message this morning telling him happy birthday and wished him a wonderful day. He did finally text back, “thank you” and I just let it be. I have been going through a lot and I decided that I don’t need to cause myself anymore tears over this.
Thank you Megan. And you’re right, these situations do suck 
but I’m no longer in a place where I will let it hold me back. I am still friends with the gal that got sober all those years back and she is such a huge support to me now. She never turned her back on me, our friendship just changed. I feel like the same will hopefully happen in this situation.
Thank you Tracy Unfortunately I know all too well about losing people and having to move on…but it doesn’t make it any easier I am focused though and am willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober 
Thank you Menno I hope he comes around. I think he’s being a jerk because he’s hurt…I will speak for myself by saying that anger is a much easier emotion for me to deal with than pain. I think same goes for most people He is a great friend and I hope we can move past all the awkwardness so we can have some semblance of a relationship
Thank you Natalie. I don’t feel like you’re being harsh, just speaking the truth. And I have done all the things that you’ve mentioned. My life looks completely different than it did 4 months ago. So you see, that’s the catalyst for this whole situation…if I hadn’t, it would be business as usual 
Thank you Max, I really appreciate your words. I consider myself pretty diplomatic as well and that’s why I was so upset last night. I hate to feel left out, I hate it. Unintentional or not it sucks to feel that way. But I apologized. I apologized three times and told him how sorry I was for making him feel like I wasn’t including him. And nothing. We have been friends for 10 plus years and not one cross word has ever been spoken between us…so why make me suffer that way?? Frankly It only caused me to resent him this morning. I’m a really good friend (To be fair so is he…most of the time) and I don’t appreciate being held hostage by guilt over something so trivial…but obviously that has more to do with me than it does him…i don’t know…I have a lot going on in my life and I don’t have room for the drama at the moment. I’m not ready to bear all and tell him why I’ve chosen this path…it feels way too personal at this moment 
It’s one option, all points here are valid… In the end you’ll figure it out!! You’re certainly approaching it the right way!!
I understand that… You can’t always be the guide or the mature one, if that is even such a thing, sometimes you just need to step away. Give it time… Things have a way of working out, cliche though it is, they do. I’ve lost friends along the way, there is some pain in it, and it fades… Maybe this is one of those… You have things to focus on… Let this rest maybe… Think on it and realise that you’ve done what you can or are prepared to do and let it go… It will pass… It always does… Oh and pat yourself on the shoulder… Be a little proud of yourself for the effort…
I spend a lot of time on here reading, trying to absorb what everyone has to contribute. I appreciate all the feedback, it truly is helpful
That’s kind of where I’m at. I just need to step away for a bit. I am naturally very sensitive and frankly I feel a bit fragile at the moment. Life is hectic and I need to make me a priority right now.