Someone basically said “when” I relapse with drinking instead of “if” today. This person is in a relevant and significant position and it didn’t sit right. I’ve got 58 days right now and I’m happy about that. This person was otherwise pleasant and courteous. I still feel bad about myself—like this person is disappointed in me and they barely know me.
I’ve noticed a pattern where I’m intolerant of criticism and if I receive it, it crushes my sense of self-worth. This isn’t based on others’ perceptions of me. It’s based on my imagination of their perceptions. Totally external locus of identity. It’s annoying but has been this way forever. Just ranting a little.
I get the worrying about others perceptions of you. I worry about that too. But we cant live like that. Try and let go of the negativity and use it as fuel
Thanks for your words. I did get a sense of fortification from it. Like “I’ll show them…” became my attitude. Just feel like I should have thicker skin and I don’t. I have lots of empathy and insight. Which translates to vulnerability and over-analyzing on the flip-side.
That doesn’t sound like a very supportive or encouraging thing to say to someone who’s recovering. I’m not sure exactly how that conversation went or who this person is in your life, but I think I’d question how relevant and significant they really are.
Sorry, but it kind of pissed me off imagining someone in my life basically telling me I’ll fail at something extremely important and understand how you’d be bothered by it. No one knows you better than yourself so I’d try not to dwell. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for understanding and for the encouragement. I’ll try not to dwell. I wasn’t sure if I should come to the forum for support or not because it seems relatively unimportant, an over-share, taking others’ time, etc. But it is a really nice feeling to get a friendly perspective.
I identify with what you say here. I can let you know that with almost four years of therapy and recovery work this has changed for me. I am in most cases (family excluded) able to put space between others perception of me, my perception of their perception of me and significance either of these are due to have. That’s good.
It gets better.
What you say is very true, and you will find that locus of self worth in yourself, but it requires a lot of work and change. This stuff is deep and old inside of us.
That’s what the place is for. Venting can be helpful.
It’s understandable to be bothered when someone who you respect in some way doesn’t show faith in your goals. Or maybe what they said was taken the wrong way? Sometimes the words don’t come out right.
I am in psychoanalytic therapy. It helps me uncover these things I do w/o realising. Like look for validation outside, avoiding shit, things I don’t wanna see about myself. I recommend it.
With 58 days sober yeah their words were tone deaf. If you were not capable of making it past 7 days sober I might understand that kind of talk but not when you are close to two months sober and need positive encouragement.
This is definitely something worth coming here for! That’s why we’re here, to support each other you’re not alone, it would bother me too because I am similar in my own sense and lack of self-worth. But I keep working on it. You’re doing great! Keep going and keep looking forward
you’re not alone, it would bother me too because I am similar in my own sense and lack of self-worth. But I keep working on it. You’re doing great! Keep going and keep looking forward 