Feelings about meds

Life in Recovery
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I’ve got about 5 months of sobriety from alcohol and I’m also seeing a sobriety counselor and I have a psychiatrist. I’ve had to confront my reasons for drinking since I’m no longer running from my problems by hiding behind alcohol. One of those problems is anxiety. After talking with my therapist and psychiatrist, the latter put me on a low dose of non-habit forming sedative for anxiety to be used as needed up to twice a day.

Here’s my reason for posting:
I was having anxiety and disruptive thoughts and decided to try my medication to see how it affected me. It worked in slowing things way down for me and chilling me out. I eventually went to sleep. But I got the feeling like I’d broken my sobriety by taking a mood altering substance. I know that my sobriety is intact but this feeling is bothersome. Anyone else have this?

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@RW86 You say it’s a low dose of non-habit forming sedative. The general consensus is that when it’s prescription drugs, taken as prescribed by a medical professional, you are not braking your sobriety. Goes for anti psychotics, anti depressants, mood stabilizers, anti anxiety meds… And meds for somatic illnesses too BTW, like Beta blockers for example.

It’s all meds that can be abused too. So we have to be careful. Still I feel you are OK. Personally I’d prefer -and I did and I am- to work on my anxiety through psychotherapy. But that’s a long arduous process and some meds to help may be needed along the way. I’ve been on anti depressants and I didn’t feel I was breaking my sobriety. They did make it a bit harder to get through to my true emotions and feelings I feel. Wishing you all success on your sober road.

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I find that beta blockers are great for anxiety and am thankful for the script.

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I’m on a Vyvanse for ADHD, I’ll be celebrating 4 years of sobriety later this month. Take your medication as prescribed and you’re good.

I’ve always been very anti-pill but always known I had ADHD. I almost caused a significant accident involving high pressure boilers at work because of my brain so I decided to get treated.

Congratulations on 5 months :clap:

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First off congratulations on your 5 months and the work you are putting into your sobriety!! Taking away the alcohol (or any other drug / substance/ behavior we use for escape) is such a freeing experience and certainly incredibly healthier for our body / mind, relationships and life. :heart:

This is such an interesting question and at the heart of where I am in my life journey ATM.

One of the things I found in sobriety (I drank / drugged my entire teen to adult life …stopped in my late 50s) was that full on sobriety allowed me unfettered access to all my feelings and emotions and my body / mind as is. That is something I had never experienced, so it has been a huge adjustment simply feeling my way through life without an escape hatch and learning that all emotions are normal (big one there), even those uncomfortable ones.

I should reframe that a bit as I still utilize behaviors to ‘escape’ such as comfort eating some sweets I baked when feeling restless or bored, watching trash TV to escape/relax, and yes, taking a small dose anti anxiety medication as prescribed when needed.

Again, in my personal experience, anxiety and depression have been life long companions. Sobriety lifted both for quite some time, but as my body found alcohol and drug free homeostasis, anxiety was again present. I have several thoughts on this for myself.

This is a condition I have always had (since I was very young, pre substance abuse). Is it anxiety or is it simply an emotion?

I also get into a mindset that something is wrong and I should not feel this. But is that correct? Being human means we have feelings and emotions in our body / mind. Some feel better than others, all serve a purpose (or so I believe).

I also utilize a variety of self care methods to help emotions move thru my body / mind. Talk therapy, movement therapy (running, bicycling, dance classes, etc), calming therapies such as meditation and yin yoga, etc etc. All of these help me so much and none of these can make me that perfect version of myself who can easily access all my feeliings and let them come and go with ease and without pain. Because that is not achievable for humans being (‘s’ included on purpose). Perfection is a trap for me.

So how does all this relate to your question about breaking sobriety?

I know that feeling. I take prescription meds for anxiety as needed. I do not abuse them. And yet, I feel at times a judgment that I am not able to move thru life at this time without this assistance. Is this a slippery slope? Or is this me, being gentle with myself and my process and coming back again and again to loving myself as a human, doing my best, where I am at in this moment in time. I can definitely get bogged down in guilt at not feeling able to life without taking a pill. Would I feel the same if it was a pill for a heart condition or some other physical condition? :thinking:

For me, the bottom line is am I using this to escape or to live? Am I being honest with myself? And is this me loving me and caring for myself?

While actively abusing substances, we beat ourselves up for years and years. We lose access to our feelings and emotions. Sobriety offers this back to us. The full spectrum of it. How we approach it and what is needed for us as an individual is a learning experience. Finding that place in life where we feel okay, good, healthy is what sobriety offers us.

And for some of us, medications can make the difference between existing and thriving. At the moment, that is where I am at. So, yes, I can relate very much to your feelings. :people_hugging: And FWIW, I have been sober from alcohol for 6.5 years.

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If you took it as prescribed by a doctor it’s not a misuse/addiction.

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I feel this way about my anti-depressants; I’m grateful for them. I don’t seem to mind SSRI’s in the sense of compromising sobriety. It’s the ones that make me feel spaced out and stuff that I worry about, but I’m worrying less. Thanks for your words!

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It helps me to get a “general consensus” about what’s acceptable. That’s the heart of ethics, what everyone agrees to be right. It’s just a gray area in my head and that kind of gives me pause. Ultimately, I think I’m good and I appreciate your thoughts.

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It seems to me that lots of people are finding those helpful. I can share your sense of gratitude for some of my meds too.

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Thanks for your words, Dan. I’m happy for your achievement and I appreciate your input on my concern. I will always be sticking to the script instructions and never taking more than prescribed. I’m also careful to consider why I take an “as-needed” dose. If I’m doing it for recreation or just to incorporate the feeling into my activity, that would be wrong to me. I only took this first dose to see how it would affect me and because the situation called for it. I think I’ll reserve further uses of the “as needed” meds for severe symptoms only.

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That’s a very cut-and-dried answer and it makes me feel better. I tend to agree with you but I’m always doubting things, even when I know them to be true. I think it’s an OCD symptom. Thanks for your response!

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@SassyRocks - I really appreciate your substantial thoughts on this issue that’s concerning me. I also find that I’m experiencing the “full spectrum” of feelings and thoughts and now that I have them, I don’t want to be without them. We’ve kind of been drawn as a society to think that negative feelings should be avoided and are not healthy or indicative of proper function. I think I may take a look at cognitive behavioral type responses to change how I’m thinking. That would definitely placate the purist in me. Thanks again for your guidance here.

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That is the truth there. Jon Kabat Zinn wrote a book decades ago that has stuck with me…Full Catastrophe Living. I like that phrase so much. That’s what sobriety feels like to me. Full Catastrophe Living. Feeling it all. :people_hugging::heart:

You might find the book helpful, along with your CBT.

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@RW86 I always refer my pigeons to the Big Book where it says “we are not doctors and do not give medical advice”, that being said I developed fibromyalgia, trigeminal neuroligia (nicknamed the suicide disease), PTSD after 9/11, narcolepsy, and a couple other chronic incurable diseases. I’ve also had 10 surgeries in my 26 years soberity that required prescription medication. I have and still am honest with my Healthcare providers about my soberity. Biofeedback has been my saving grace for my chronic pain and anxiety attacks. I’ve also researched herbs I have been able to replace many of the medications. I unfortunately learned the hard way not all doctors are my best option. I fired 5 doctors, quit 15 medications, and I only take medicine for my narcolepsy. Just stay honest and before doctor Apts write out questions for them to answer. I could share some questions I always asked mine, just ask. And never compare your soberity to another’s, they didn’t survive what you survive. So their recovery may not look like yours. Only compare your recovery to your own story.

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