Im starting over again in my journey of becoming sober. Ive attemtped so many times and always relapse because i dont see a problem with it personally. This makes it really tough for me especially with my personality and not wanting to conform with things I dont agree with. I dont care how I portray myself right now because saying these things at least make me feel a little better. I cant say these things to my wife because shes too supportive and will always be my number one cheerleader even if a relapse. Its hard for me to tell her to her face that i feel like a pos for not putting her and our future family and prospects of future jobs over smoking pot. As much as i enjoy it, i know i need to stop for my future family and probably for myself. I know ive convinced myself its not as bad as it trully is, things are just hard for someone who was introduced to this at a young age (14) and havent been without it for more than a month or two at a time since ive started(im now 25 almost 26). Im sure my post is all over the place but thats somewhat how i feel right now. All over the place and no straight line of thought. Its like im competing with the other part of me to retain control over myself and not go back on my promises to myself. Anyone please feel free to leave any comments of encouragement, understanding, or your own personal struggles. I just need to dump these words out of me whenever i have the chance and this is my prefered way of doing so.
Welcome Bryce! I totally get what ur saying. I do see that u want to quit using but i sense maybe a bit of fear in quitting? Correct me if im wrong 
I started using drugs at a very early age also (15) and they were a part of my life until i was 37. Even tho drugs caused soooo much destruction in my life, at the time i still felt that they served a purpose. That purpose was to help me cope with life. I couldnt imagine my life with or without drugs. I felt stuck. Deep down inside tho i knew i needed to quit. In fact i really wanted to but didnt know how. This forum helped me to see that drugs serve no purpose in my life. The idea that they do something for me, is a lie. A lie my mind tells me, to keep me using. And of course i was scared to quit bcuz drugs is all i knew. But there is sooo much more to life than that.
This forum helped tremendously in guiding me to find new healthier coping skills. I hope that this forum helps u just as much! Try to just focus on today. One hour at a time or even one min at a time. Remember ur reasons fpr wanting to quit. And come on here for support or even to just check in! Thats what we’re here for
Not so much of a fear to quit, but more that i know how good it makes me feel and how quickly i can feel that way but having to choose not to anyway. Im not afraid of anything happening per se, its more so my feelings of anger that make me lose control. I dont want to smoke anymore for the sake of all the benefits id get for not smoking, but knowing the benefits of smoking and having to choose not to sometimes makes me angry. Angry that the world cant be simple that its not an issue. And my normal anger triggers me more. Ive noticed i have an issue with controlling my anger and thats fully been dealt with by smoking. Now i need to find other outlets. Thank you for your response, its made me think deeper on this and it made me feel better to see soemone else going through what i am. I always hear “you arent the first and you arent the last” but actually seeing and reading other’s experiences makes me feel less alone in this.
I think that is something that i need to learn to convince myself of. That my life is better without it. I think ive become so dependent on it that it feels like my life isnt better without it and that im going to always be an angry miserable person without it. Thank you for your words and your perspective. Im going to try telling myself that anytime i struggle from now on. My life is better without it. My life is better without it. My life is better without it.
Welcome @Brycehill623 
Many many many people here on Talking Sober have struggled with pot and you will find many relevant posts if you search words like “pot”, “weed”, or “marijuana” in the Talking Sober search bar (tap the magnifying glass icon). You are definitely not alone.
Pot isn’t a substance I have used myself but if you search for posts you will find many people’s experiences. Take care and don’t give up 
I often felt like weed was “safer” than the other drugs I took, that it was okay for a while but I couldnt shake the fear of getting cancer each time and the knowledge of how unhealthy smoking it is. Brain damage in certain areas and possibly gastrointestinal issual are also the long term effects of edibles and smoking it.
As I was always smoking it I knew I was killing myself. I had like many a special connection to weed. I smoked first at the age of 12, now at 23 years old I am a bit more than 100 days away from weed and 43 days clean in total. It feels weird now, weed is the last thing I would want to use .
I honestly hated weed every time I smoked it even if I also enjoyed its high at the same time. I always knew it was a high price I paid and I wasnt myself on it. I was numbed in the parts where it mattered.
It didnt make me feel safe when I was smoking it it just made me feel safe to know I had something in my pocket to smoke later.
I dont have any advice for you, but I think its good that your post is all over the place so I thought I just share my experience with weed addiction also all over the place . I hope you find a reason to live healthy