Obviously, I have not argued with anyone in this thread up till now, so I do not know why you would say that.
For my recovery, rigorous honesty is important. I am not going to say that everything is easy for me when it is not. That is the first step to resentment and relapse.
Clearly, the program has changed for the better. But that does not make it easy
I think this is only partly introversion. It is just very different than the program as I was given it in rehab and in my first decade of recovery.
That is why I was so surprised that people meant chit-chat after the meeting when they say fellowship.
God no!!! I barely socialize with people Ive known for 30 years.
Socializing is pure torture to me. I’ve actually loved every bit of COVID Lockdowns because it was a good excuse NOT to socialize. (COVID, itself, scares me….not the lockdowns)
I totally agree with this 100%
For me, that outside my comfort zone was just opening the door to my first meeting. And it saved my life. 
How do you deal with anonymity? I know it is less of a thing these day (probably because of social media), but everyone interprets it so differently. One sponsor would not let me know where he lived because it would break anonymity. Another wanted me to clean his garage. One freaked out because he though I saw his last name on a letter, another told me his last name freely.
As it is in meetings, it is hard to gadge how much to reveal and how much to keep “general.” .Conversations outside of meetings would be a minefield.
I have more time than most people in meetings, but I always feel like I am just walking in for the first time.
You seem very argumentative, and secretive… but I’ll say this. You talk about honesty but if you have been to rehab you’ve been to a meeting where you introduced yourself correct? I highly doubt your name is one. Being honest means completely in this program. Even if that honesty is just with yourself at this point. (no matter what kind of a program you are trying to work) BUT arguing with people that go above and beyond to answer questions, take time out of their day every day, and share their wisdom and strength is a tad bit annoying. If you don’t want to be part of a fellowship, okay 
but remember this… it is said to stay sober/clean you have to be willing at some point to share your story with another human being if you want to keep it. So you can be alone keeping a bad attitude over the word fellowship or start actually doing something constructive like working on yourself and why the word fellowship is so important to argue and waste people’s time that are just here to care, help and try to explain things that they obviously know a lot more about then you or me. Have a good night I’ll pray for you.
I guess I am not clear by what you perceive as argumentative. Certainly in this thread, I have not been.
I did not have a bad attitude over the word fellowship. I said to someone that I felt the most fellowship when I read the literature. They told me that fellowship meant talking to people after meetings. That was not something that had occured to me before. I was not even sure if that was the generally accepted use of the term. (And for a lot of people here it seems not to be.)
I have said elsewhere that I feel that I need friends in recovery. I am scared but also excited that I could find friendship with people from the program. I do not get how that works with anonymity. And I am not sure how you turn “this” into something social. You talked about introducing yourself. I have said “I am ___, and I am an addict” to the groups countless times. That introduction is easy. I think it is harder to do that to individuals in the group.
I agree that I would have to share my story with another human being. Other than my therapist, I have not shared the story of my addiction with anyone. I think it would only upset my friends.I think that is the sort of thing I would only do with another addict.
Thank you for your prayers. I will also pray for you.
If you feel that I am keeping anything secret just ask. I feel like I already overshare, but there is very little I would not say to someone who asks.
Anonymity is too protect yourself and the others that are in the same collective situation as you are though @one . I mean no matter your addiction we all share a common factor of addiction to one thing or another so it comes down to maybe opening up a little bit with the people you do speak with. You may be surprised the reaction you get. I can promise I’ll be trying to follow you to see how you are from now on so that easily… you gained a companion or a far away friend lol which ever you prefer. But hi my name is Holly 
lol my friends and family call me Hollz. Nice to meet you 
You are welcome to share your story of addiction here. I’d welcome that.
Thank you. I am Mick.
I just feel like I read about one program online and in the literature and another in person.
I did not stop relapsing till I left the program–but I do not know how I did it–it just happened. Now, five years later I am feeling urges and I do not know what to do about them.
And coming here and other places, the program is very different. People are saying I should be doing the things that got me fired by sponsors.
I am not ready to commit my story to writing on the internet.
I think I really need to sit with an actual human being in the same place as me. Does that sound argumentative? I just know that for me presence matters a lot. This is not a business transaction or a gossip session–those I can handle remote. But this makes me feel very vulnerable and I cannot say it to an electronic device.
No @one that doesn’t sound argumentative. I guess I’m shy but for whatever reason I feel very comfortable with the people here and I’m able to share and talk about things that I normally wouldn’t I ask questions and read A LOT. My story is very graphic and can be hard for people but there are a couple people that know my story. I completely understand that you don’t just want anyone hearing that part of you though. But you can share in other conversations on here and you might help someone like me or see something that might just help you. You never know. It’s worth a try
It was explained to me that anonymity is about what you share with non-AA people. For example, at one meeting Iran into a person that both my husband and I used to know from work. When I got home that night I didn’t say “hey, I saw X at the meeting tonight” because it’s not my place to say that he goes to AA or not. After a few more meetings he said to me “say hi to your husband for me, I’m okay if he knows we met up here”, only then did I share.
Another example I was given at a meeting once, about social media….it’s okay to share on Facebook that you have gotten sober using AA, just don’t start tagging fellow members in your post. Or don’t comment about AA on a fellow members own post. Just stick to what YOU are willing to share about yourself, leave others out.
But we aren’t anonymous IN meetings. We always share “my name is Susan, and I’m an alcoholic” and sometimes we share the tales of our lives.
yes, but I didn’t know them before the rooms.
What you say makes sense but not everyone takes it that way. I have heard people in AA say that the reason we share “in a general way” rather than a specific one is to keep our anonymity in the group.
And it is why we do not share our last names in the group.
And I had a sponsor yell at me once because he thought I looked at a piece of mail he had which had his last name on it.
People are less strict about anonymity these days, but there are still old-timers selling the old school version of anonymity. I am with you on this, but I know not everyone I talk to would be.
Even back then, it did not make sense to me.
I got this from my sponsors. Like I said, there were some who were less strict about anonymity. But the first ones I had were VERY strict about it and could justify it from the BB.
And I am asking a lot of stuff because I like how people here interpret the program better than my sponsors did.
It am sort of going though all the stuff that I disliked in the program one-by-one to see if it can be interpreted differently. So you are right that I keep thinking of different things that bothered me. And I am grateful that people here are.able to propose a different way of looking at each thing…
I always liked the literature but not the real life program. You and other people here are making me think better of the real life program.
How can you know that. Big part of my problem is that I always know what others might think or that they cannot carry what I tell them. I simply cannot know.
When I get to the point where I trust people I will open up and tell about me. Also, strange enough, I had to learn this step by step in recovery that not everyone needs to know about my problems. I was an open book but didn’t trust anyone for real.
Becoming friends is maybe also a cultural different definition.
So my perspective is from Recovery Dharma rather than AA, and the line there is more about confidentiality. I.e. not disclosing who was at the meeting or talking about what they said. Basically not ‘outing’ someone as a member of the group.
If you are not comfortable with swapping contact information etc with people then you don’t have to. But if you want to make sober friends then it would probably help! If you find someone you click with at least.
Again I can’t speak to/ for AA, but for me it is a question of consent. So I can choose to share where I work, where I live, etc, in my shares but I would expect the other people there to not disclose that. If I am happy to share my contact info and connect with people outside of meetings then I can’t see how that is against the spirit of a recovery group. But if I choose not to, to just turn up and get the benefit of being in a room of people who can relate to me on some level, then that’s cool too.
I’m sure some groups are more dogmatic but really I believe it should be up to the individual to decide how much or whether to disclose personal info.
I know because when I share the information I have, they are supportive, but clearly distressed. It usually ends up with me reassuring them.
It is just so far out of their experience, that it is hard for them to process it. So I also end up teaching them about addiction in general rather than my experience because they have no context.