Sounds not relaxing giving my friends information. I mean, i want them to know who i am behind the curtain of social agreement. Giving information sounds not like connecting.
There are people who clearly are fine sharing personal information. But there are others who are not and will go after those who do after the meeting.
I would be comfortable sharing contact information, but I cannot gadge who else is and who is not in a meeting. And I know that if I got confronted for doing so, I would probably avoid that meeting in future.
Maybe that’s a conversation to have with whoever is chairing the meeting? They might give you an idea 
Maybe if you arrive a little early that would be a good time?
It seems to be an individual choice rather than meeting policy. I get the feeling in other areas, chairs are more like leaders. Here it is open to anyone willing to commit for that month and they act more as facilitators.
Going early is a good idea. I usually leave right after because watching the confrontations make me uncomfortable. But before the meeting, there should be little or none of that.
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To be very honest, I am just scared of those people.
A while back, someone yelled at me after the meeting because my share showed that I was not using “the tools of the program.” I had no idea what that meant, but I was not about to be humiliated that way again. And I could not watch other people go through it as well.
I have been yelled at for all kinds of things by sponsors (and only found out the reason years later asking for more information on the internet).
I have been to many different groups over the last 20 years and I just do not think the shaming and belittling work at all. It is as if we were trying to duplicate the forces that lead us to addiction within the rooms.
Yes agree it probably will still be individual choice, but the chair might give you a steer as to who would be open to it (or who wouldn’t as the case may be!).
It just feels wrong to ask a chair to comment on group members.
And if it is a meeting I have been to, I usually have been around a lot longer than anyone chairing and know more about the people than a chair would.
Its all different now with remote, so you cannot talk one-on-one to anyone anyway. When f2f meetings come back, I think your advice of going early is a good one. No one is going to attack me for my share at that point.
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The fellowship involves recovering addicts supporting and encouraging one another’s efforts toward sobriety. … In the case of AA , this goal is sobriety. And while each and every person has to walk their own road to recovery, the fellowship of AA makes it so you don’t have to walk alone.
I’ve been around the rooms since I was five years old. That’s when my mother got sober the first time and I remember ppl telling her to get names and phone numbers so she was able to reach out if she felt like using. It seems like a whoever you are getting your information from actually knows very little about the program js
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It’s been over 3.5 years since my last, first meeting. I still have those lists of numbers from both AA and NA. I was homeless when I got sober and people drove me to meetings, took me for coffee, took me to conferences, explained things to me, etc. And all that help came from calling numbers on that list. I usually didn’t even know who I was calling. All I knew was that they said to call and they meant it
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All but one of my sponsors said the opposite–that talking to them or any addict when I felt the urge to use could drag them down with me.
I read someone saying that you should get numbers so for a few months I gave out mine to a lot of people, but did not get any in return. My sponsor said I had gotten it wrong.
There seem to be a lot of opinions about everything in the program. I am not going to say this person is right or that one is wrong. I am just evaluating each opinion on its usefulness.
Seriously. This is one of the reasons I erased all my pictures and personal info from the forum. I’ve made good friends on here, but there’s no doubt that there are total creeps and psychologically unstable people here as well. Anonymity is super important and I think it’s a no brainer here. Physical meetings can be very beneficial, but I didn’t feel any need to make friends at them. I was there for my sobriety. Fellowship to me might mean that I help others with their sobriety, but totally at a distance.
PS: I’m not referring to AA specifically. Not an alcoholic here.
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I was always told that anonymity was for my protection both within and outside of the program.
But some people people are okay with little or no anonymity within the program.
I am open with just about everyone about being in recovery. I think I am less anonymous about it outside the group than within it.
Still working it out.
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I don’t think anonymity is about not being open about your addiction. I think it’s about not sharing personal info. Keeping distances from people. I used to share photos of my kids and family on here. Everyone knew what I did for a living, and where I’m from. There was no anonymity for me. I came to realize that it wasn’t good for me to do that. There’s risks in being that open around people who are unstable emotionally. Some people may disagree with me on this. But, that’s my opinion for myself.
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I agree that anonymity is about not sharing personal info.
When I started in the program, you were not supposed to let anyone know your last name or where you lived. It was indeed a protective measure. I guess it is why the idea of getting close to anyone from the program feels off to me.
Going from someone in recovery to a personal relationship feels like a huge transition.
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One of the big reasons originally for the not last name sugfestion was to avoid creating power inbalances in the rooms. People in meetings come from various backgrounds and professions, but yet in the rooms are equal. Remember this was before social media and easy access to photographs, so just by not knowing persons last names the homeless stew bum might not know the guy next to him is the president of the bank. However, as social media, and media in general, have become more prevelant those suggestions are less effective. I have gone to meetings with lawyers (me), doctors, judges, nfl players and even a movie star. In this day and age most people know who the other is, but in the rooms we are all equal. This is not the only reason for anonymity but it did play a part.
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I’ve asked you not to tell people I’m a movie star 
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I think there are still a lot of good reasons for anonymity. But it does make it hard to have an ordinary conversions or even friendship with people from the program.
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I thought his name was Aragorn…
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I am very public with my recovery, but do not advertise my membership in AA. When I speak to large groups I just say that I found something that works for me. Part of the reason we do this, is that if I am public with my membership and then go out and relapse people will assume that I did not stay sober because AA does not work.
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