Since I can remember I called alcohol a monster. It made nights a living nightmare when my brothers got going.
I was ~8 then. When I really remember it beginning. When I came to know this monster.
Then I befriended this monster and it’s cousins at some point. But it was ok because I wasn’t my brother.
22 years later I’ve now danced with the devil and found my way back. 22 years later the monster in my brother remains. I’m having a really hard time right now. I moved to japan and I’m staying because it’s healthier for me. I also can’t return because I don’t feel safe being near him. He’s such a sack of you know what. Today I almost grabbed beers and started drinking. I didn’t because I never want to be anything like him.
Fightings monsters has been a life long battle…but now I’m just trying to fight my own instead of his.
Thats all we can do. Fight our own monsters.
Thanks for sharing!
I’m praying that you find a way to surrender. When I disengaged from the daily fight and focused on growing my health and sobriety, my monsters lost their power over me.
I fought to exhaustion, and I even joined their side toward the end. But I got sober when I resigned from the fight against sobriety and turned to a higher knowledge that everything is gonna be alright and I will be able to stop drinking. Everything has been alright for a long time now, and I am grateful every day for that truth.
Took me a long time to learn that. I knew it to be true but it wasn’t easy to stop trying to fight for others who won’t even stand for me.
Since I moved to Japan it has gotten easier to focus on my self-growth rather than fighting for someone else to be better.
I’ve lost the feeling of a home to go back to in exchange for stronger value of who I am and who I want to be.
Today was just a struggle.