Today is the day I’ve been fearing all week. I finally have tomorrow off and I’m sitting home relaxing from a long week. I am almost a week without a drink and knowing I am free tomorrow is making this so hard to fight. I’m home alone trying to keep myself occupied telling myself I’m strong enough to resist… but the truth is I feel absolutely powerless… I keep arguing with myself about sobriety. I truly hate who I am when I am intoxicated but in my mind I find myself saying you can have 1, this time will be different, but we all know that’s bullshit. Anxiety begins and I start sweating grinding my teeth… why is this so fucking hard? I have about 32hrs of being alone with myself and for me that’s the hardest fight. I don’t want to start over…
It’s never different that’s your mind telling you lies don’t pick up it’s not worth it fight it do anything but drink have you thought about AA you will meet friends there that can help you on your journey
Thank you, I have been to AA numerous times but up around here meetings are once a week and covid has made them online only. And online AA just doesn’t work for me.
I had one of those nights lately and the demons tormented me.
I did two things that helped me. I played it forward from picking up the first drink to not being able to stop and finishing the bottle and most likely starting another. I visualised the shakes, guilt and self loathing the next morning.
Then even though Im not very religious I prayed to anyone who would listen up there.
I got through it and so will you. Stay strong. X
Try a power walk with some loud music or binge Netflix… that’s what I do when I’m desperate and it does help. Hang in there, waking Monday sober will feel so good!!!
Congratulations on almost a week.
Lots of great ideas here for you so far Chris. Jason Fisher recommended I listen to chapter 3 of the big book audio.
I started listening to it and it help so much I listened to it 3 days in a row. Then I did the whole Big Book starting from chapter 1 on audio. Listening to that and power walk became a routine when I was struggling.
Yeah you are right. Thank you
Haha yeah I’ve been binge watching stuff it does help
AA is great in a pinch, true, but it’s even better at building a strong sobriety. Start with an open mind, see if you can figure out how to make online AA work for you. Refusing suggestions is what I call alcoholic thinking, or denial and grandiosity, in myself. I had to stop refusing to consider alternatives because my judgement got me drunk, arrested, and in a world of hurt.
Hi @Chcunn2016 Chris, well done on your sober time! Hope you didn’t cave tonight! You say online AA isnt for you - well is it worse than relapsing and not getting sober? Cos it’ll surely help with cravings and feeling lonely to tune into a meeting on intherooms.com and hear some relateable stories.
Also, go to bed. Even if it’s ridiculously early, brush your teeth, draw your curtains and call it a sober day! Tomorrow you’ll be strenghtened by your victory and can enjoy a long fresh new day!
See you!
I’ll echo what everyone is saying about meetings online. I wouldn’t have remained sober without them. There are hundreds of not more online AA and other sobriety meetings online at any given time of the day. Worst case scenario is it passes an hour and you remain sober. That’s sometimes what you have to do in the early days. We are rooting for you!
if you are willing to go to any lengths to get sober then have to use what ever is available . for me i would have done anything to get sober i had the desire and i knew i had to make a effort , maybe take up a hobby or go out for a walk can get tapes with AA speakers listen to music , if you dont make the effort then the result will be the same ,same same, wish you well
Thanks for sharing. Good of you to Not Crave Alone.
Since in person meetings are not possible, I’m going to recommend Allen Carr’s book, The Easy Way to Control Alcohol. From your post, I can tell that you’re glamorizing alcohol and craving. And just as @Dmcg1987 pointed out, it’s a lie.
I appreciate all of your advise and I understand that AA is important. However @SinceIAwoke I don’t feel like saying why I didn’t sign up for online AA is "refusing a suggestion ". Its a great program like I said I have been a bunch of times and I have nothing bad to say about it. It’s just not for me. I read books about alcoholism and I fight on my own, I have a close friend and a girlfriend who offer support and when it becomes tooo much I do talk to other people in recovery, I do take my sobriety seriously and I am trying to beat this, and one day I will beat this, I know what the steps are and I tackle them in my own way, that’s my methodology right now and if it ends up failing I’ll dust myself off and try again. Don’t judge my willingness to become sober because I don’t feel like a program is right for me.
Tapes sound good. I’ll definitely look into that
Here’s a bunch of other possibilities for you.
Thank you. I like the book section
I just think of all the bad times i ended up in a jail or a hospital or psych ward and remember that what i was trying and the ways i thought i could make it on my own brang me back to the same place. Do what ever it takes for you to not pick up a drink.