17 days in…Started to bicker with my partner. I felt like I wasn’t being heard and became angry. I lashed out then explained “when I am talking about something and you are cutting me off for a negative reason, it makes me feel like you are not listening or not trying to be forward thinking”
No response. No conversation, its been 4 hours and they are in the shower while I sit in the kitchen eyeing the alcohol around me. Any other time we would drink and move on. Now I am realizing they can’t talk through their feelings. Feeling extreme rage that I am trying to hide.
Chugging water, throwing on an audio book and going to bed. See you at day 18.
I feel for you. Things have quietened down at the moment, but a few months ago we had a bit of a rough patch. My wife was still drinking and we had a few communication problems. After an argument I found myself heading for the store. I drove past and just went and sat somewhere in the end but it was the closest I have come to breaking my sobriety.
My understanding is that, obviously the change in the dynamics of the relationship can be difficult for both sides.
You are doing the right thing.
Just know that you are not on your own with these types of experiences. Unfortunately, I can’t help more than that because I feel there are still some unresolved issues that I’m still to face. Ongoing story I suppose.
It can be challenging figuring out how to feel emotions while sober and how to navigate arguments and their aftermath sober. Good for you for going to bed and not drinking while stressed.
Hopefully a good nights rest and you two can chat today and make things less uncomfortable.
Lets be mindful that your detoxing which is also mental. Your partner is going through the motions with you. Your emotions are gonna be all over until you stablize. You both have to be honest and bare with each other if you still want to be holding hands at the end of the tunnel…
Until then much strength! Feeling negative emotions is something I either didnt learn or unlearned by addiction. Its a process of being aware of emotional sensations, instead of compulsively reacting to them. Its also part of being in freedom. Id rather feel shitty and sad than good and high. Thats a mental difference to my time in addiction and Im glad for it.
It takes time …i cant tell you with alcohol as that was not my DOC. During detox i would just wake up in bad moods and sometimes good. It wasnt stable at all. I could get irritated easily. Which is all very normal during detox. For me i wasnt in the full clear til 6 months clean… Some detoxes pending on amount n time abused comes into play alittle…
How much were you drinking? It all depends. Honestly for me I was the same way when my partner and I would fight-things about the past would be brought up and it’s like shit if we can’t move on I might as well just drink and really destroy my life. Just know you’re doing the right thing. Know it will get easier and know your steps 1,2 and 3. Don’t focus on that in which you can not control. All you can control is you not drinking…you’re doing good. Chin up
Pretty much where we were. We’d get drunk the arguments would start with her and end up being about things that happened 20 years ago. I’d think the same as you Wtf!! Wake feeling like crap and carry on drinking.
The last big argument was a bit of an eye opener for us both.
She hasn’t had alcohol since. We haven’t argued since.
I’m really glad to hear that…alcohol can truly be the devil when it comes to uprooting problems or past issues. To come to a level of understanding with each other that drinking is just not an option because it will destroy the relationship is a big step. I commend you, sir geo!
Ha, Emilie, unfortunately there is no such adulting going on here. Just she’s decided its not a great idea to drink after the law got called by a neighbour last time.
She did go to her sisters last night quite late and came back at 03.00 this morning. First time she has had a drink in a couple months.
One of the worst moments of my drinking time came while I was in inpatient rehab. It was family day. My spouse came up and we sat in the center of the circle of patients and families while she recited all the ways my drinking had hurt her and confused her and crushed her soul.
At that moment, I felt so profoundly sad and guilty. And all I could think to do to deal with it was to drink. It was the only time in my life when I said in all seriousness “I need a beer”. And what did that statement do to her?!?! I couldn’t think of anything else to say in that moment.
I didn’t get sober for about 10 years after that event. And the memory of it was one of my prime drivers to drink during that time.
We don’t live like that today, thanks to the grace of my higher power and the program of sobriety that I work.