I am grateful and humbled to have taken a four year medallion last night at my homegroup. The energy that filled that room was undeniable. The love that flowed from peoples mouths, eyes and hearts was something I truly have never experienced before. As I sat there between my dad and my partner listening to people share on the reading I chose and then congradulate me on my time, I was working hard. I was working hard on keeping the wounded parts of me comfortable so they didnt take me out of the meeting. Thats what I have learned to do this year, I have learned to trust myself, me the essence of who I am. All of those parts that think I need protecting or think that I cant handle life have either been given new jobs in my psyche or their voices have been shrunk to whispers. So last night I didnt need to listen to little voices in my head saying, “they dont really think like that of you.” Or " youre not deserving of all this praise" or my favorite part and most reliable part that dissocociates me. Instead of any of that, I got the bask in the beauty of my body. I got to feel my heart beating hard, so hard it felt it would burst through ny chest. I got to breathe, and feel my lungs expand, filling with cool air as it passed my nostrils. I got to listen and take in all of the love that was being offered to me. And I accepted it, because I am worthy of it.
When I came to TS just over 4 years ago I had hit a spiritual bottom that I had barely been surviving for 9 years. The only way I had kept myself alive was to self injure and as my spiritual void got bigger, my need to die got stronger, and my self injuring got worse. So worse it landed me in urgent care and eventually into and IOP. I was a shell of a woman, I had nothing left but blackness inside me. Addiction had robbed me of my spirit. 33 years in active addiction, failed attempts, years worth of shame, a life time of trauma I felt my chances were pretty bleak but for some reason I tried one last time. I gave myself a year, I would give Narcotics Anonymous everything I had for I year. I would take all the suggestions and if my life wasnt better after a year I would quit.
4 years later I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. At the end of last year I followed a whisper that came from deep with in and started to make jewelry. Within a year I have built a business and sold over a hundred pieces. I have stopped questioning my Divine Guidance with the negativity of my mind and just let go. We all have a purpose in this life something that we cant be told of, we need to feel it to know it. I hope that you can all feel your purpose one day because that my friends is the meaning of a life of Serenity. Thats what it feels like to have an unfettered soul.
If youre clean today dont look back.
If youre thinking about stopping, give yourself a chance at a life with out chains. Youre worth it.
Much love and many hugs my friend!! 
