I finally took the plunge and went to my first AA meeting today. The first time I looked up a meeting was maybe about 6 months ago when I started getting scared by my alcohol and cocaine use. I was drinking and doing cocaine at home alone with the curtains drawn. Rock bottom was realising how scared I was that I could die from a cocaine overdose and how heartbroken my family would be. Anyway, I looked up where and when the meetings were but never went, due to the fear of vulnerability and being recognised.
Today’s meeting was a small group of 10 people, and it turned out quite as I had expected: People were amazingly kind, supportive, and patient. They took turns sharing their very personal, heart wrenching experiences to make me feel more relaxed about sharing mine. Stories that were similar to mine: police have been involved when we were drunk, we’ve gotten badly injured from drinking, going to therapy, regretful sexual encounters, etc.
The women approached me immediately after the meeting to offer me their phone numbers so I’d have people to call or text. That felt amazing. Made me feel like I didn’t have to face this alone. Not having a proper support system was a real concern prior to this.
They also mentioned doing 90 meetings in 90 days, which sounds like quite a commitment, but who else is going to commit to my mental and physical health apart from me? I’m definitely going to try to attempt that.
One question to AA regulars: How strict is the consecutiveness (is that a word) of the 90 days?
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You can go to as many or as few meetings as you like and will always be greeted with warmth and compassion. The reason they suggest 90 in 90 is because that’s what worked for them. In my first 90 days I went to about 220 meetings. Some people though, can only make a few a week. My suggestion is to hit as many meetings as you can. It builds a nice sober routine hitting a meeting on a daily basis. Even at this point in my sobriety I still attend 5-9 meetings a week.
I am a firm believer that you get sober through your ass. Something good happens, whether you want it to or not, when you put it in one of those chairs in the rooms regularly.
For me – I think the 90 in 90 is important to set a baseline/foundation. But I understand that it may not be technically possible where you live. Just as I can trip and fall into a bar or liquor store here, I can trip and fall into an AA meeting. For me, the only thing stopping me from doing the 90 in 90 was myself. I have no idea why or where it came from, but for me – I decided that I was going to make a meeting everyday and knew in advance which one it was going to be and then had a back up meeting for life’s surprises.
I knew that I could talk myself out of meetings if i gave myself an inch b/c of course I am a very important Goat with a 14 hour workday and all these important work and life things need to be done. For me, it was never IF i was going to make a meeting, but rather which meeting I was going to make. It was non-negotiable. By simply putting my ass in the chair – something happened – not sure when or how.
One thing I picked up on at today’s meeting was that I’m going to have to “do the work”. It’s not going to be easy, but that’s what adds to the significance of my sobriety. I’m putting this ass in the chairs.
Thank you so much, guys, for answering my question.
90 in 90 is just not an option for me unless I want to push my husband right out the door. He just doesn’t think I need ANY meetings. I’m nervous to ask to add a 2nd meeting each week. Ack.
But I do recommend you do as many as you think you need and you can. If that is one a week so be it. If it 1 a day that’s great. I’ve even heard some people go to 3 a day in the beginning. Do what you need to do to get through without taking a drink.
There are no attendance requirements. As said above the ONLY requirement is a DESIRE to stop drinking.
Hi!
Congratulations for your 1st meeting! It really is eye-opening. I, too just started to go to meetings, well NA meetings but they’re pretty much the same. I, like many others, cannot commit to 90 in 90. Here nearest meetings are 40 km from here and even then there just aren’t meetings for every day. Also my car is broken and don’t have money to fix it. Last meeting I attended was sunday… Really want to go more. Feel somehow bad I haven’t gone for 2 days…
Keep on going as much as you can. It’s better to go more than less but there are no requirements. Wish you best, you have done something really brave, proud of you!
Personally I never managed 90/90 but I got to as many as I could, especially in the first month.
What I did do was find a sponsor and started the program on week 2 and it’s the best thing I could have done for me, everyone is different though, but I felt I was getting to work on getting better quicker rather than just listening and it created accountability very early on with my sponsor which was really good as I didn’t want to let him down and still don’t to this day.
Glad you have started on this journey, I hope it brings you all the positive things it has brought me.
How did you choose a sponsor? I kinda feel like I need to figure out who I feel a better connection with. Or is it better to NOT choose someone you “like”?
I saw someone share at a top table and they absolutely had what I wanted so I made sure I went and spoke to them, he told me to go and read the doctors opinion chapter and come back and see him the next week which I did, we had a good long chat and I simply asked if he’d sponsor me.
Look for someone who has the sobriety you want. That’s my advice, not someone who you think a good fit because they’re a nice person. That’s a bonus.
My sponsor is from the opposite background to me, I was born Irish Catholic and he is a Protestant who was in the Orange lodge, I support Celtic, he supports Rangers which is a big thing in the sectarian divide here in Glasgow, I thought that might be a good thing and it was as he was very firm but fair with me. Now we’re great friends.
My old sponsor came up to me and offered her help. I was about seven days sober, and I didn’t even know what a sponsor was. Is she someone I would have listened to and thought, “Ohmagawd - we are totally karmically connected?!?” Nope. Having said that, she helped me jump headfirst into my steps - and for that I am thankful. For me, it was more important to get started and invested in the program than it was to wait for my ideal sponsor.
I did not do 90 meetings in 90 days. There were days when my childcare fell through and I could not logistically make it happen. Having said that, I did make 82 meetings in my first 90 days. I hit a meeting every chance I had - and I still do. They are my daily tune up - and that time spent with other alcoholics who understand me in a way no one else does is invaluable. They also afford me the opportunity to be of service to other alcoholics - and they remind me each day why I cannot drink again, no matter what.
Yeah dont get to bent on the 90 days 90 meetings. Its defiantly a great idea but it isnt a requirement like @Englishd said there the only requirement is the desire to stop drinking. I’ll throw in there also that NA meetings will be best in my opinion…some AA groups have no time for you sharing about the cocaine bit. I’m Secretary of my home NA group so I can defiantly tell you from experience that NA would be your best shot to fully share without being shut down mid share. The only thing with NA though is we dont speak in drug specific terms so you wouldn’t mention drinking or using coke…just simply say using.
This is a fantastic attitude. My experience was what needed doing wasn’t hard… with the help of a sponsor the action needed was clear and usually simple. What was hard for me was usually getting my ass to do it!
So I just want to say, meetings where I go are hour and a quarter away , I go immediately after work and when I get back it’s sleep time.
If I could drink for days without end, chase for d&d all over the fucking world, invest so much of me into insanity , damn to hell if I can’t make it because I am inconvenienced.
I am only saying if there are logistical,work,time table etc, reasons you or me can’t make it , that’s fine , but all else is our demons trying to get you back…
I just want to say thank you all the good people for being a part of my story and helping me get here.
Alive And sober And in AA
Thank you for bringing that up. I did feel that there were probably AA rules that I should know about. Many of the members mentioned being addicted to drink and drugs, but did not mention the specific drug. I’ll be aware of that at my future meetings.
Having now seen fellow addicts in the flesh, as opposed to through an app, makes me feel accountable towards my sobriety.
I’m looking forward to my second meeting tonight.
@JN1121 Good for you! Keep us posted with how you are doing. I was able to choose a sponsor after 3 months. I still have the same one and I’ve been sober a long time.
90 meetings in 90 days is a suggestion only, but with this said, it’s to benefit you and only you… You will get to know others and possibly find a sponsor.
I like the idea of 90 meetings in 90 days, and having done it I think it was a important step for me. At worst it was a practice of committing to doing something positive.
A message ,in my opinion, that is far more important is the simple : KEEP COMING BACK.
it will be the best gift you ever give yourself