Going to meet up with some friends for a huge bonfire tonight. The pyro in me is looking forward to lighting up the night. But…these are usually my drinking friends. And I haven’t hung out with them since I quit. Today is Day 45 so I’m feeling pretty confident, but wouldn’t mind some advice anyways! What do you guys do when you meet up with a bunch of people who are gonna be getting sloshed??
This is my exact situation tonight, except it’s a friends birthday party which will involve a lot of drugs & alcohol around and more than likely out in the open…
Take your phone fully charged and rely on this app! I would also make it clear early on in the night that you’re staying sober: designated driver, health reasons, whatever you can come up with if you’re not sure about bringing up the addiction yet. If things get awkward or you don’t feel comfortable, you can always leave or go take a walk somewhere. Don’t feel pressured to indulge, and if you do- those friends aren’t doing there part in looking out for you.
It’s hard to be around people under the influence, especially when it’s so normal. But if you make it clear what your goal is for the night I would hope they would have a respectful attitude towards you
When I was sober, 9 months, relapsed now trying again, I always brought a cooler with plenty of ice and my favorite drinks (non-alcoholic of course). I would have my favorite beverage cup (camelbak with a secure lid) and just enjoy. I would also watch how others got drunk and some of the stupid stuff they would do, and be thankful it wasn’t me.
I am on board w Java. 40+ days is solid, but I have seen people w double digit years lose it.
I am at 3y, 3m plus and am nervous abt a party tonight that will probably only be minimal alcohol involved.
I have every reason to feel I will navigate it successfully,
My wife and daughter will be there.
The host is a great friend who 100% respects my decision.
I am making sure I have an appropriate drink on hand. (2ltr Coke Zero is cued up)
I have a plan in place.
I have a plan in place in case the first plan goes to Hell.
But the reality is that The Dragon will be there.
Even after three years, three months and 13 days, he will be there.
Even after I’ve shown him I don’t need him, he will be there.
Even after I’ve built a beautiful Life regardless of what he’s done to me in the past, he will be there.
Even though my wife and daughter will be there, he will be there.
Even though Kevin is my friend and has chosen to never drink in my presence, he will be there.
Even though I have Coke Zero and a plan and a backup plan, he will be there.
And he will eat me if I slip.
Are you 100% sure you want to go? I’m still not.
I want to go because I don’t want this thing to control my life. If I go, it wins. That’s just my personal opinion. I will definitely leave if I start to feel uncomfortable though. I plan on bringing my own NA drinks. @Oliverjava I love your idea of a reward tomorrow, I think that’s a great idea!
Tonight be as present as you possibly can. In the midst of the bonfire you might find it’s not as fun without the alcohol and that’s okay. Remember that alcohol does not bring happiness, it dulls our senses. Have a fun happy time tonight knowing that you will be able to wake up safely in your own bed with no hangover and no regrets (an added bonus of sobriety). Oh hey! When you get home tonight, will you please message me? I want to be able to congratulate you on your strength and commitment to yourself.
I show up late to stuff like this now, when people are already too sloshed to realize I’m actually chugging an N/A beverage.
I went to a party last weekend and drank N/A beer all night with the label ripped off. Got there late, left early when I felt anxious, still had a great time!
Saw the host the next day and she said "omg, I’m so hungover, you must feel so terrible too, but it was worth it!"
I had a chuckle to myself, she didn’t even know I wasn’t drinking. I was THRILLED to NOT be hungover like her and actually be able to enjoy my day off, out of bed!
Have fun @Needhelp1128! You can do this. I went to a bonfire when I had 30-ish days. Just had to say no about 2-3 times but no one asked why!
This is so boring guys. Everyone is smoking and drinking and I’m just like…sitting here… woo!
I love that I’m home, sober, feeling good, cozy. I did it. Thank you everyone for your support tonight!! That was a rough one…
Great job! The best thing about a sober bonfire is that the smell of smoke in your hair won’t make you feel nauseous in the morning! Oh, and the fact that it’s very unlikely you’ll stumble and fall in the fire.
Well done. The things you get to do the day after, when you aren’t hungover and feeling shit, make up for any awkwardness you might feel the night before. I like to go for a walk early, get the paper, go to a coffee shop and savour the moment.
Pat yourself on the back!
I just got back from the party I went to and whoo boy! I managed to have my water bottle on me all night, and even snuck out to get a taco and chips/queso
My friends birthday bash entailed alcohol, LSD, cocaine, Molly, and God knows whatever else I didn’t see done in front of me. I’m pretty drained but my boyfriend who stayed (and imbibed) said he was really proud of me. I feel good knowing I’ll be hangover free and feeling better than everybody else there haha. It was definitely hard, and a little awkward, but everyone was respectful.
@Needhelp1128 glad you got through it, you should be proud. But try not to test yourself too often! Too late now but I was going to suggest you take some terrible reminder of your drinking days and throw it in the bonfire to burn! I hope you also took the time to notice how stupid and unfunny certain people can be when too drunk.
And @Livy congrats too!!
I’m heading to my cousin’s 50th bday bash tomorrow. Similar challenges.
(ps this topic was literally the theme of the last AA meeting I went to, as we read from the short oldie book “staying sober”)
I do the same thing … being is observation mode solidifies the fact I don’t want to go back to drinking !!! SMILE
@Needhelp1128 Sorry, I didn’t see this till now, but I am so proud of you! You got through it sober and got home safe and sound.
So now questions…ahem.
Did anyone notice and/or say anything?
Did your fancy drink from home deter annoying questions?
Was it weird seeing your friends get wasted? (Sometimes this is fun for me, sometimes it’s annoying af)
Any tools that worked for you that you’ll definitely use next time you’re at an event like this?
All good questions @Elisabeth. Let’s see… people kept offering me drinks and I kept politely declining. Someone asked why and I told them I was too tired and it would make me fall asleep. No one asked about my home drink which I was surprised about. I thought for sure someone would say something. It was annoying as hell seeing everyone else drinking and getting high. I was so bored. I felt like an outcast honestly. I just kinda zoned out and stared at the fire for a while. Chatted with people but they aren’t nearly as funny as they thought they were.
I think having my drink with me was a saving grace. I wanted to drink and have fun with everyone but I knew it would be fake fun and I wouldn’t feel good after. So I just kept reminding myself of that. It’s funny, but I can clearly see who my true friends are in life and the people I actually have things in common with.
You did great and should be super proud of yourself! I went to a concert when I had 34 days and it was quite boring and I felt quite out of place without drinking. The next concert I went to at day 75 or smth was amazing though!! Now I have been going out to bars without drinking and I’m learning to have fun sober. However, I should find some nice sober activities and friends as well.
So my point is that don’t be discouraged if you felt bored there, you will learn how to have fun without alcohol and it is so much more rewarding… And no hangovers!
I feel that the most important thing to remember is that u have to be selfish in recovery and put your sobriety first. Also, in the past when I became overconfident is when I relapsed. I’m just trying to give some helpful advice, this time around I guess I’m doing something right because tomorrow I will have 13 months sober. I wish you much luck. Hang in there