Hi! Woke up this morning, and didn’t like how I felt. I’ve been having a tough time in my marriage, and going through perimenopause on top of that. I feel like I’ve been a married single parent. My drinking usually isn’t a problem when I’m in a better headspace, but I’ve found that when I feel messy inside, I drink more. Too much. Instead of a glass of wine, I’ll drink the bottle. That happens maybe once a week, the other two days I drink, it’s just a glass. I’m tired. I’m tired of using it as an outlet to quiet the noise in my head. I’m tired of losing my tomorrows, because I’m not 
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Welcome to the show!
Your story sounds so familiar! I spent a lot of time drinking because my marriage was not in a good place, and it was not in a good place because of my drinking.
Unfortunately, stopping the destructive cycle of drinking didn’t alone fix it, but what did was changing my perspective, which sobriety allowed.
I adopted the mantra: “The person responsible for all of my problems is myself”.
For me, this means that whenever we got in an argument, instead of being defensive or playing the woe is me victim, I reflected on my behavior, my attitude and my words to see how much of this was my fault (it was most of the time). It also means that my feelings are my responsibility to resolve. If I’m hurt, it’smy problem, it’s for me to own and me to resolve. This helped me accept responsibility of my own actions which eliminated resentment towards my SO.
It’s taken a lot of work, with sobriety and myself, but it’s been worth the work. I’m confident you will find the same, in time.
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Welcome to the forum! Im glad ur here!
I can very much relate to this:
I used drugs and alcohol often to change how I felt or to cope with life. Especially when experiencing intense emotion or stress, I would use and drink to “escape”. The reality is, is that drinking and using drugs didnt get rid of or fix any of my problems. In fact, they made them 100x worse 
Getting clean and sober didnt fix everything right away, but it gave me a starting point to start feeling better about myself and my life. I hope that u stick around and check in often. Post on here before u pick up a drink and let us help u thru it. U dont have to feel this way anymore 
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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post! I truly appreciate it, and plan on checking in daily 
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