38 year old, separated female. I’ve had a rough few years, dealing with family illness. Then I got ill myself.
My ex downplayed what was wrong with me. I finally had to have two (albeit minor) surgeries.
But by then my mental health was terrible. I was. Making bad choices, drinking, random men, etc. But, my ex didn’t help. He was emotionally, and verbally abusive and one day it almost went to physical.
I left.
He called the police and lied that I was missing for a week. Among other things. Psych ward, self doubt, and depression was terrible.
I left again, staying with my parents. My mother is emotionally abusive as well, so I ran from that situation, rented a room.
This too went bad.
I’m now back at my parents, waiting to get into an apartment on December 1st.
So drinking has been my escape. And I now have a sprained ankle. I recently started a new job and can’t take a lot of time off.
So I decided I need to get sober. And that’s why I’m here.
The fact that I have nothing, and I’m. Risking what I do have. I need to do anything.
There’s a guy I’ve been seeing since April, and our stories are similar. He’s moved 3 hours away to try to get his life on track. But it’s been up and down.
I love him very much, and usually it’s good. But it went sideways on (Canadian) thanksgiving. He came to visit. We were drinking. He told me he wanted a relationship.
He dropped me at work, and within 12 hours decided he can’t commit.
I lost it. I drank a lot. I called and left horrible messages.
The next day we talked. Kind of made up, or so I thought.
Woke up the next morning because he was calling Since he drove his car into a lake.
We are two people who should not drink. I want to be with him, but we both need to be sober.
He has stopped drinking since then. I have not. He keeps asking me to stop. He gets why I do. I get why he does. We just both need to.stop.
I say this a lot, there’s a difference between wanting to get sober and deciding to get sober. I wanted to for 10 years, but It wasnt until I decided to get sober that real changes were made.
Sounds like you have decided to take action, good job! I am sure you wanted to for a long time now. It is a hard road to travel and you can lean on many people here to help you along the way as they have travelled the same road. It’s hard, but it’s worth it. Glad you’re here, welcome.
Thank you. I am thinking of contacting an alcohol awareness program I was in again. Unfortunately I’m moving to a different city in December so I won’t be eligible.
And I don’t know if my new area has a similar program or not.
Welcome to the forum, a good place with good people who know the struggle.
Sounds like the new guy is trying to get his shit straight and so are you, and that is great because as was put to me “you can’t jump start a car with 2 dead batteries”.
Focus on yourself and your recovery, you’re gonna have to be the most important person to yourself in order to recover and get better. The more you go all in on yourself, the better your chance of being who you want to be in the future, and nothing changes overnight, it took years to get to this point and it may well take years to get out of the woods.
@Allicat388 is willing to help, I’d take her up on her offer, AA did tremendous things for me and it could for you as well.
Good luck on this never ending trudge, you don’t get days off when it comes to being sober, gotta clock in every day and work on yourself. Sobriety works if you work it, and your worth so work it.
