I am powerless, I’ve accepted, over my relationship with drugs/alcohol. I am a senior in college, a semester away from my internship where drug tests are mandatory. I have been a daily user since I was in the 10th grade, so around 5-6 years, with a few sobriety spells. Most often, I would quit one thing just to move on to another. It has not affected my grades, which has been my weak rationale behind not cleaning up I suppose. Albeit, being prescribed a stimulant for ADD allows me to contradict the mental laziness I have without it. A 3.3 GPA with a positive drug test = nothing. However, everything else in my life has been degrading as a consequence. Mostly social interactions and my desire to avoid them at all costs cause me the most pain. I literally have no friends other than pot dealers who I’d consider acquaintances to be more accurate. There are underlying issues mostly centered around my lack of confidence for which I self-medicate with substances = destructive cycle. I want to be CLEAN FOR GOOD. I have a 2 year old son who lives with my mother until I graduate and move back home. He should and WILL be my top priority once I’m fully sober. It eats me alive that I’d choose buying a bag of pot over getting him a new book or taking him to the zoo. I love him more than I could ever imagine, why would I want to jeopardize his relationship with me; my own father used/drank until he passed a year ago. So much is at stake, which causes me more anxiety than before. The guilt is becoming unbearable and I cannot fall off the wagon and drink/smoke again. One would think it would be an easy decision: continue smoking, working as a cook making $11/hr or enter the healthcare field with limitless opportunity. It has been a lifestyle of loneliness and obsession. My addictive personality doesn’t discriminate: it is to get high/drunk or continue seeking. Please, I need advice as I want my life to change for good. I cannot let my family down.