Rename this “final relapse” 
Relapse is part of our addiction. We’re still stuck in something if we’re relapsing.
It’s like getting a car out of the mud. If you’re spinning your wheels and not moving, and then you keep spinning your wheels and not changing anything, you’re gonna stay stuck. You gotta find some help and follow their advice, to get out of the hole.
Have you considered joining a group? There’s a bunch, there’s a good list here Resources for our recovery - groups are a place you can learn and take action to get out of the hole.