Today I had my first sober Christmas work party. I’m 20 days sober, which is the longest I have ever gone without a drink since I was 21. I went up to the bar and ordered a Ginger Ale. I admit it was very triggering to see the drinks in the cooler such as Carbliss (my favorite) and beers, but I got lucky and was seated next to 2 co workers who were also not drinking and a couple who had 2 drinks each. Not once was I asked why I wasn’t drinking. I was offered numerous free drink tickets and declined. I also left before people started getting too drunk. I’m proud of myself! The only thing I regret is not going around telling people goodbye, but the best thing I could have done for myself was to tell the people goodbye at my table and quietly leave. I did this because I didn’t want people to ask me why I wasn’t drinking and to feel pressured to drink and stay for the party. Anyone have stories about their first sober party who are willing to share??
I tried my best to stay away from any activity with booze for my first year… I did have 2 weddings on the same day during that year. It was close family, I couldn’t miss them. My stepbrother tried to get me to drink at his wedding that night, I told him you don’t have enough booze for me here lol. It was hard, I didn’t want to be around it, I didn’t want it. It was like seeing an ex that ruined your life and being stuck in a room with them.
I have had several milestones in terms of social life without drinking.
The most important thing from my side it is what you have pointed. Usually nobody cares about what are you drinking. Nowadays I have a coke or sparkling water and nobody says anything.
Only my wife is aware because she knows my problem, but the rest of people is occupied with their own drinks and conversations.
Of course, I try not to go to the “bear mouth”. I do no go anymore to the bars I used to get drunk, and do not deal with the people I met inside them. Even I do not meet with them outside those bars. They are part of my past toxic life.
But regarding social meetings with family, friends and working partners, I have changed my drinks and almost nobody have said anything. It is important not to think in what are others thinking about. They thoughts are that, only thoughts, not facts, so do not make up a problem when it does not exist.
Only one friend has asked my insistently about why I do not drink wine anymore given the fact I was “an expert”. I am an agricultural engineer indeed. I managed the situation with a short answer: I do not drink alcohol anymore, I am in recovering (I do not mention what I am recovering of), and my election this time it is not to drink alcohol.
More times than not, there’s others that are sober too, these allies are good to find!
This is key to social events, make an appearance, mingle, have a good time but leave before your defenses get worn down.
My first social event was a wedding. I was shy of 6 months sober. It was 2,100 miles from home and my wife’s family, so I couldn’t exactly leave when I wanted. I got nervous about the reception so I had a plan… turns out, it was a dry reception, everyone was (involuntarily) sober.
My 2nd social event I was a month shy of 1 year sober. It was a work trip across the state. I was invited to dinners and parties by our vendor. I was a lot less nervous this time. I went, made an appearance, despite everyone at the table ordering drinks with dinner, I stuck with an Arnold Palmer. After eating and mingling a bit, went to my room and watched TV, which was pretty fantastic because as a Dad of 4, I never get me time!!
Now, after 5 years sober, I don’t shy away from social events (mostly) but I also don’t seek them out. After a while, you get a feel of what you can and cannot tolerate. My wife does a lot of business travel where vendor parties are a thing, I’ve been invited but will decline of I don’t know anyone as it’s just not fun for me.
Good job! I’ve been to two work happy hours during my first 14 days without alcohol and was able to abstain. Feels good to not get pulled back in. Keep it up!
Youve done really well but i would also be careful of putting yourself in situations where alcohol is around u while your in very early sobriety…if you keep standing close to the fire you might just get burned so to speak…i mean…why make it harder for yourself ynow?
My first party not drinking was a 3 day bachelor party trip up in a cabin in western new york. It was a group of 10 close friends. I remember sitting on the patio 5 minutes in going, btw im not drinking anymore. They giggled considering it was a bachelor party. Then they realized i was serious and i never got more support. They got blasted all weekend and i had a great time! It was good knowing they were there for me. That was 5.5 months ago.
Today most of them will be at a super bowl party with me. I can honestly say if i even thought about drinking they wouldnt give it to me. They are super proud how far i came, even if they only tell me when they are drunk. Point of the story is be around people who support you and you know who they are.