I find myself, in my mind, continually making excuses not to stop using and scenarios of picking more up. For example I plan now to start as soon as I am done with my mourning and I am hanging on to my last bowl, after which I have pledged myself to sobriety. My thoughts try to trick me though. I’m even starting to organize how I am going to pick up just one more time. I do but I don’t. I feel like a whiney baby. 
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