(Not a political post)
So on my 23rd hour of my first sober day since 2016, the president nationally pardons 
possession for all federal charges. Which, while i personally think that’s great for so many people, I didn’t expect that to now make today feel very fragile for me.
Sometimes you don’t see the whole staircase from the first step, I don’t think I saw the first step until today. However, I’m learning a lot about my own recovery very quickly in this first day.
Like…how I used that one product to signify “celebration” for myself for almost 7 years.
Not just big things, I’d find every tiny thing to celebrate about as an excuse, so I could then turn to something else to “enhance” that celebration.
Telling myself it’s “ceremony”, when really it’s self-deprocation because deep deep down I don’t yet feel worthy of getting to celebrate anything at all.
So I guess worthiness is a first step for me, and probably in all of the steps along the way.
But of all the triggers that be, the president was my first 