Hi all. It’s my first time attempting to use a soberity app but I thought I’d like to take an important step to change. I’d like to share my story.
I first came into contact with pornography when I was 10 years old, when an older relative of mine showed it to me. I could not comprehend what was happening in the scenes at such a young age. However, it definitely piqued my interest in searching up more. When puberty came, I was basically watching porn and masturbating all day. The dopamine rush that comes from it provided a safe space for me, away from the harsh and stressful reality. I began to use porn and masturbation as an entertainment as well as a coping mechanism. Since I was 14, not a day went by without me at least masturbating once a day.
Things spiked up as I entered adulthood. I started dating a girl and we had regular sexual encounters. As time went by, I began to feel like it wasn’t enough, and started using porn more heavily than ever. I realised that being with an actual girl was not enough to satisfy my needs. I felt like I was living a double life, hiding my porn addiction in the deepest recesses of my life. Eventually, we broke up for separate reasons, but it left an emotional mark on me. It was also a very volatile time as I started a whole new life away from my home country. Needing comfort and security from the uncertain world and my depression, I once again retreated to my own shell of consuming a lot of porn. From then on, I became so reliant that I could not relax without porn. My anxiety got so bad when I tried stopping and I had to resort to seeking therapy.
I am currently in another serious , long distance relationship. Due to this, sexual encounters were rare, if present at all I constantly feel the need to keep my sexual desires satisfied. It got so extreme that I caught myself trying to send nudes to strangers on the internet. Porn alone was simply not enough anymore, my brain exclaimed. I needed something more extreme to fuel this desire. I felt…like another person being in control of my mind.
So this is the turning point for me. It is a concrete evidence that my excessive porn use and masturbation habit as a reliance and as a coping mechanism was ruining my relationship, my life, and my mental health. I have made several attempts to put an end to this, but no big improvements so far. I believe one of the reasons for these failures was that my addiction was something that I couldn’t openly discuss to my loved ones. I felt so ashamed as I truly see myself as a diligent, extroverted and loving person when I’m not in the control of these extreme sexual desires. Other than my personal problems, I believe the porn business is a highly unethical industry and I hope to one day completely cease to consume it’s content altogether.
I stumbled across this app and decided to give it a shot, hoping that it can provide me a safe space to talk about my issues. Thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy essay, if you’ve made it this far 
stay safe!