I feel like it doesn’t matter which way we choose. It all sucks regardless. I feel as though staying sober is accepting a mediocer life. Why is this so difficult? Drugs we’re liberating, in the sense that I stopped caring about what others thought of me. Now I walk around silenced by my own self-doubt and guilt, hoping and depending on other’s love to suddenly heal and save me. What a sad life it seems…
4 Likes
I know the feeling so well… 
1 Like
I am so with you on this one wish I would of vented more before I relapsed Thursday it sucks but I really having a hard time. Being with someone who lies to you about there addiction because that makes me want go get my fix to block out their using. I hated conflict so I can’t say how I’m feeling or it get ugly so I sit here suffering. So more venting . be strong
1 Like
OMG AMEN!!! I agree 100% fucking percent!!!
I’m sure a lot of “it gets better” platitudes are headed your way. Maybe it does get better when,you’re sober longer but it’s almost impossible to stay clean that long. Its misey:fearful:
3 Likes
I started 12 steps and started counseling. Still haven’t been sober for more than 4 days straight working.on that now. I did the same as you and as I slowed down on my drinking I slowly began to actually feel again and in a sense it felt good again it had been so long since I had felt. I’m on Step 6 and only 4 days strong so far but it does help. With guidance and questions answers I had never grew up knowing. Also several other books helped me as well. Your not alone. That feeling will Pass.
2 Likes
We can do this. We are stronger than the drugs and Alcohol. We are going to relapse he’ll I do every four days but everytime it’s more days I’ve been sober and stayed sober without breaking my goal. One day at a time and I just try to be better than I was the day before. Baby steps but their steps. Not negitveness. We got this!
2 Likes
Ur so positive I love it!! Keep it up.
2 Likes
@Marie…im so struggling with ths same exact feeling…im miserable using im miserable sober.what do u do when you are damned if u do damned if u dont? I dont even know who i am supposed to be without drugs…im lost
3 Likes
You decide what you will do. I am the same . it’s not gotten better or easier. Ok its hell being clean, I don’t know how to live without dope. I am so lost. At least when I used I forgot for a Little while.
But it’s hell using too…and each time I use I fuck up and stab another dagger in my husband’s back. The shame is unberable
@gsmo why did you decide to quit If I may inquire?
So not true…if you don’t get into recovery with more energy than you put into using then it’ll be a tough battle. You gotta find and define a “New” normal, but it’s possible. Don’t lose hope, find purpose…
If I can be of help message me… I encourage meetings and finding a purpose 
I’ve been sober less than 90 days and I’ve tried and tried and tried, now the lights come on…