First time trying to go sober. Any tips?

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Hi! I’m (32 F) trying to go sober for the first time. I’m just not the same person when I’m inebriated. Any tips or advice that anyone has would be much appreciated.

I think my biggest question: when did you start telling friends and family that you were going sober? I’m only going on my second full day. I want people to know that I’m not trying to avoid them if they invite me out to a bar, but I don’t want to make a big announcement on social media either.

So, like I said: any advice would be awesome!

Thank in advance!

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Welcome to the show!

I’ve had several attempts at sobriety, each time having different approaches. All failed save one; honesty.

I found honesty fostered accountability, which promoted motivation. Not necessarily motivation to be sober, rather motivation to be the best version of myself, and sobriety was a part of that.

I first had to be honest with myself. I was at the point where I knew I had a problem but I needed to be more honest. I needed help.

I came here. I asked for help, the community did not disappoint. Most importantly, I did what they suggested, and here I am, 6 and half years sober.

I actually asked the same questions as you. I found, there is no right way or wrong way, just YOUR way. My way was to focus on myself and let go of the people, places and things that kept me sick. That meant letting go of most “friends”. It was a process that took time, and while I had to figure it out as I went, the community was here to help me navigate this uncharted territory.

I became open with my sobriety (after a good 30 days) by dropping the occasional “Been sober X days now”… people would be like, “oh wow, good for you!”. Many people knew I had a problem, I kind of wore it on my sleeve. Because of that, those who cared were relieved that I was finally doing something about it. Those drinking buddies who didn’t care, well they moved on from my life.

I preferred to focus on the positivity of sobriety rather than the stigma of Alcoholism. Projecting the positive made people see it as a good thing, allowing them to be comfortable in supporting me. At least, thats my take.

I also (usually) post on FB when its my soberversary. If I can inspire one person to start living their best life, then any judgement I receive is worth it. I can say though, the reception has been 100% positive, and now a few family members have also quit drinking, so there you go!

So, how, when, and what you tell people is completely up to you. I know thats a total non-answer, but, sometimes it be like that.

Hope this helped a bit.

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That is very helpful! Thank you for sharing what you have learned. I know it will be a journey and I’ll have many ups and downs, but just hearing that I’ve found a community that cares and is willing to help is awesome!

Congratulations on 6 and half years!

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Welcome @ScarletWhisper congrats on deciding to make a change.

I went into my journey not willing to admit i was a full blown alcoholic so i said i was sober curious and just taking a break. My advice is to avoid triggering situations for 2-3 months and establish a support network. I found that by visiting and contributing here daily and attending aa meetings

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Take things a day at a time, sometimes I take it a minute at a time!

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Welcome!
For me, the first few months I had to focus on sobriety. I did some recovery work everyday, such as read some of a quit lit book, listen to an episode of a podcast, attend a meeting, etc. I also spent a lot of time on here, sharing my progress and feeling supported. I told people I wasn’t drinking if and when it came up. I didn’t make a big deal out of it; people were a bit surprised, and then moved on pretty quickly.

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Hey and welcome! Im also 32F and ACTUALLY trying to get sober for the first time and I have 19 days. So far I have only told my 2 best friends about my sobriety and i needed to do that for accountability, as I know that has allowed me to fail in previous attempts. Nobody knew or cared so if I drank nobody would question me or be disappointed. BTW one of my friends was very happy about my decision as apparently she has been worried about my drinking and drugging for a while but didnt want to say something and upset me.

As far as everyone else goes, ive straight up been lying when asked directly why im not drinking at some social function. Im taking meds, im driving later, whatever. Im not ready to share that with them and I think thats okay. Although i will say most people dont ask! Not anywhere near as much as I thought even at a party or a bar.

Have a great sober day!

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Recruit non-family, non-friends to be your support system. Go to AA meetings, meet people, get a list of phone numbers (females get female members’ numbers; males get male members’ numbers), and check in with one or two different members daily. Doing this will build a strong network of support for yourself, while showing others that you can also be there for them. The conversations don’t have to be extensive by any means. “Hey, this is [name]. Just checking in. How are you doing? I’m fine. Such and such happened today but I’m not going to drink over it. Alright, cool. Have a great day.” They only have to be as extensive as you want it to be. If you need to talk, talk. If not, then listen.

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Welcome! I think it would depend on my situation. I am an alcoholic so for me I had to tell family. I wouldn’t have been able to disappear to meetings without them knowing what was up. Work is a bit different. One of my friends and colleagues died in November and her funeral was the last time I drank so when in situations where we would normally be drinking, if asked I say that her death has made me reflect on my own life and health and I have stopped drinking and started going to the gym etc to improve my health.

I don’t really have friends outside of work or family so that saves me needing heart to heart talks or telling anyone I am not comfortable to tell.

My experience is to tell who you need to tell, just what you need to tell them!

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Welcome maybe try ameeting might help, when i got sober no internet then just face to face meetings ,met new sober friends looked them in the eye gave them a handshake and sometimes a hug . but times have changed if you can stay sober without meetings good luck i wish you well

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Well you have to start at the bottom and build your way up. Each layer be thankful for what you have, then keep going.