Hi all. I am waking up on day 13. I keep having visions of my past occurrences when under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I can see myself through the eyes of a bystander and out of control. It turns my stomach seeing myself in this state. I feel bad for everything I’ve done and for those I’ve upset.
And… Recently I came across an old friend who I hadn’t seen for a few years. We went out and got shit faced like the old days and I’ve ended up here. I did enjoy the first couple of drinks but things went downhill pretty fast. I don’t blame him at all because I am an adult and can make my own choices. But he has told me he’s getting married soon and would like me to go on his upcoming stag (a weekend of heavy drinking). He keeps ringing and I’ve been ignoring the calls. I really don’t want to let him down but there isn’t one part of me that wants to do this right now!
@TheWolf going through something similar… my drinking buddy from the summer has asked if I’m free this Friday… trying to find the courage to tell her I’ll be at AA instead… depends on the relationship you have with him - if he would support your decision not to be drinking - but equally how the other stags would be… it’s a pressure situation for you… perhaps you could do something low key just the two of you separately from the main stag do? Thinking of you
Listen to yourself man, you’re having gut churning flashbacks, first time you’ve seen the guy in forever and you over do it and you’re worried about letting him down?
Shit or get off the pot, sobriety is an all in proposition, if you go to a stag, you’re likelihood of getting drunk is faaaaar greater than if you don’t and you keep doing what you’ve been doing for the last 13 days.
Only person you should be concerned about is you. What’s worth more to you, you’re life and sobriety or some other blokes feelings?
Something that can help me is thinking of it from the other persons perspective. Would I want someone to come to my party if they really didn’t want to? Probably not. Would I want someone to be sober and follow me and my drunken friends around all day? Again, probably not.
You can either be honest (I’ve decided to lay off the booze so its not an ideal thing for me), make an excuse (sorry, busy!), or just ghost him. I would vote for being honest but whichever route you choose, remember that you’re not letting anyone down by doing the right thing by yourself.
You haven’t seen this guy for a few years so I highly doubt the success of his stag do hinges on you being there. Once he is shit faced, do you think he’ll even notice you’re not there?
If you really want to celebrate with him, I like @Bears suggestion of catching up separately. But if he’s not prepared to do something sober with you, if that’s what you need, then he’s probably not worth worrying too much about!
He’ll get over it, but if you don’t take certain steps you may never get over the hold drinking has.
Gotta ask which is more important…one day you will be able to go to those things sober, but for now its probably best you enjoy the weekend without going.
The longer Im sober the less I care about these kinds of friendships.
I did care in the beginning. I let it cause me more worry and stress then it deserved.
Start setting boundaries. Let your friends know your decision to quit. Let them know you arent comfortable being around it right now, and that you may never be. True friends will respect it. Even if they dont understand it.
Most of my drinking friends tell me I wasnt that bad. I dont need to hear that bullshit. Especially at a stag party. I would feel completely out of place without a beer in my hand now and its been 19 months since I had my last drink.
You have to be your best friend right now. Make choices to protect your decision to stop. Its so easy to have a drink. You have to protect yourself.
Yo, just put it out there like it is brother. If he’s truly an old friend he should/will understand.
Offer to be a reliable safe chauffeur for him and whomever can fit in your car, or better yet rent a commuter van.
Keep coming back too. Get to some “live” meetings and if you haven’t yet… get a temporary/or permanent sponsor A.S.A.P.
Best wishes and luck.
