Hi guys, what tactics do you all usually take when people you care about are mad about you because of things you have done under the influence ?
Do you guys just keep begging for forgiveness ?
Give them time ?
I feel like I’m trying and everything is not enough.
Would love to hear some situations you all have faced.
Thank you
I personally think that all you can do is prove to them with time through actions and not words.
And give them the space and understanding to feel how they feel about it.
Their feelings deserve to be validated. 
To be honest you just have to accept the fact that it takes time to rebuild trust. Sometimes it doesn’t happen overnight. But if you focus on your recovery and make positive changes in your life the people that are close to you will notice the effort you are putting in and they will see the difference in time. With time and effort on your part the forgiveness will come. Most of the time people see the changes in you before you see it in yourself. Continue to put your recovery first And everything will come together and your life will keep improving.
People have given great advice already.
It’s about your actions. Don’t keep asking for forgiveness. Do it once and then prove it with your actions. If your actions align with being forgiven, then that may or may not happen.
Actions speak louder than words.
Once you start improving in your recovery, people around you will take notice and will know. You will know too.
Thank you , I will take this advice. I get mad right away because I want them to just forgive me but I know that would be in a perfect world.
Thank you !
Thank you so much for your words. I will reread them when I need a reminder. Have a great day
Thank you so much. I did receive good advice. Thank you ! Appreciate you all !
Forgiveness is a tricky thing. I feel that in order to be able to receive forgiveness from others, you must forgive yourself first.
It’s easy to say “I forgive myself” but you know it takes more than that. The conversation I had with myself went like this: “You did some pretty terrible things while in active addiction. You hurt a lot of people. Despite being under the influence, what you did was by choice, you chose to do those things, but that’s not the person you have to be, you can be better. Be better and I’ll forgive you. Prove you can be a good person, and I’ll forgive you.”
It took time to forgive myself as I had to prove I could change.
For others to forgive you, these same kinds of conversations may be needed.
One of my favorite quotes is:
If you walk 100 miles into the woods, you have to walk 100 miles back out. - Desmond Tutu
Forgiveness will come from change and growth that can only come from sobriety.
Time is a great healer once people see that you are making a real go at being sober they will come round, apologise once after giving them a bit of time must people will understand
I would punch you in the face, turn my back on you and you would be dead to me if you came to me with the attitude “i’m mad, foregive me, I deserve foregiveness, it was the drugs”
I would think about it when the apology is honest, when I get the feeling you take resposibility for the damage you caused, when your actions are consistent with doing better and when you asked what you can do for amends.
No begging, just doing the work. It takes time and effort.
Thank you ! Love the quote
Thank you !
Yes I did this , I apologized once, then sent flowers the next day and was saddened then angry by the simple response i received but then I had to realize it’s not on my time when they choose to forgive me. Just because I want it to be quick doesn’t mean that is when it will happen.
My sponsor reminds me that just because I’m ready to make amends doesnt mean they are ready to accept it. I have to let go of any expectations of how they will respond and do what I can to keep my side of the street clean to stay sober. And, if I’m making amends only for them to behave a certain way after-I am actually trying to manipulate things vs simply owning my actions. Those actions had consequences and made unhealthy impacts on others lives. It takes time and dedication to this new way of life for people to see and believe we’ve changed. Even if they never do and never forgive me, I can forgive myself by working through the steps. I also get to live in an entirely new way so it doesn’t happen again, one day at a time.
Also, amends is further down the line in the steps for a reason. I have to do the real work on me first before I can make amends with others in a healthy way. I wanted to do them all as soon as I got sober and I’m glad I didn’t because I would have made a mess of it.
Thank you. It’s the harsh truth.