Forever an alcoholic

Life in Recovery
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I have zero desire to drink today, I dont fantasize or romance the idea of drinking anymore. Sober life, is an amazing journey.

I will always be an alcoholic, and I will always think like one…

Listening to the radio on my way into work, the 2 individuals doing the morning show, were talking about how long a bottle of whiskey will stay good.

The one individual explained, that if unopened, or barely any missing…it will last indefinitely. He then went on to state that when it gets to about half consumed, that is when you have to worry about how long it will stay good for. He stated it will probably stay “drinkable” for maybe 6 months.

Without skipping a beat, I said…who has a bottle of whiskey that is half consumed for 6 months? It will be gone the next day…so why worry?

There it is, my mind still thinks about alcohol like it did 6 years ago. It is still wired that there is only 1 was to consume alcohol…consume it all.

I started laughing at myself, and added it as just another reason to leave that shit alone.

Stay sober friends!

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This is so relatable. For me it would be one of my triggering foods instead of alcohol but this is exactly the addict’s mind: It will be gone the next day. There is only one way to consume it: all at once.
So as long as I am not 100% sure I know how to handle any of my triggering stuff in a different way I am not healed.

Thanks friend!

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Yep. I get everything here. The beginning the middle the end. Nice post.

I shared the other day:

I don’t know shit about art. I’m terrible at it. But my daughter in law is an artist. She’s so good. And she’s pretty cool. I’ve got all these odds and ends of different pieces of art work that I don’t know what to do with or how to hang them nicely in our new forever home.

My DIL arranged a beautiful salon wall for me on the floor with 5 or 6 pieces I got. She said to get craft paper, trace the frames and tape the 5 or 6 pieces of craft paper to the wall and step back and look at it. Even send her a pick for her expertise opinion. So I did. She made some suggestions and I did them and I’m ready to hang up my pictures.

While I’m hanging the pictures I’m thinking what about these other pictures over here? I could put MORE pictures on the wall. The wall is big enough. There’s plenty of room. Oh and what about this framed pic? And this one I got? And I caught my addict brain. WANTING MORE

I always want more! I’m addicted to MORE It doesn’t matter what it is. I always want more. So I put down the other pics and just did it the way my artist DIL said to do it. And it looks beautiful. She loves it. I catch people looking at it all the time. I get compliments on it.

Just like drinking. I would have fucked it all up by putting more into it.

I think catching our addict brain in other situations is a great part of this journey of recovery. It’s not just the booze. But the booze will kill us.
:pray:t2::heart:

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You are right, it is everyrhing. Very seldom is 1 enough for me. I get one, i am already dreaming about 2.

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It’s the same here.:man_shrugging:t3: One is too many and thousands are not enough.:+1:t3:

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I’m the same. If I open a bottle of wine it’s gone. And then I’d open a second. Then fall asleep after sending random messages to people. Wake up in a cold sweat. And start again

Mindset is still there. I don’t think it will ever completely go. I just need to stay humble and focused

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My sister can drink, or just has one glass of wine at a party. Like it last her 2 or 3 hours :scream: who does shit like that? I actually find that pretty impressive. Or is that normal? I don’t think that’s normal either. But it blows me away.
I use to be envious of that. Now I don’t care. It’s just not me.

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I’ll be honest with you. Alcohol does nothing for me. Does not trigger me at all. I can drink a glass of whatever and not care for it at all. But my food triggers are a different beast.

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I was talking with a friend yesterday who told me her brother was making his own vermouth. Then she asked what you do with vermouth; put it in a martini, drink it over ice, etc.?

My answer was be gifted a bottle for martinis and leave it in the back of the cabinet until everything else is gone. Then drink the rest of it one night, develop a taste and buy and drink a full bottle the next time you purchase it, repeat 3-4 times, realize you have a problem and stop buying just vermouth. This will never make it on any restaurant drinks menu.

Most of my best friends never saw this part of me. I drank normally in front of my best girls and went out or home to finish the job after socializing. We both paused for a second after that story but honesty is freeing. It did help that we were walking to the gym to work out at the time. Good reminder.

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I remember the first holiday get together with Ms. Monkey’s family. Everyone drank. It was so strange…1) there were no empty bottles to throw away, 2) no one wanted their partial bottles, 3) i was dumping out half drank glasses…

I just couldn’t, and still cant wrap my brain around why all that happened. Lol.

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And even still…we have a half a bottle of something in the garage fridge. It has been there since we met. No one knows who owns it, no one can remember drinking from it. I wont throw it away…because if someone threw away my half a bottle of booze I would have been beyond pissed.

Crazy, after all these years sober, i have no desire to drink…but my brain still treats alcohol with the same rules.

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I loved your post and wanted to share my crazy thoughts… why would someone have a liquor cabinet or wine cellar! My cabinet would always be empty. As for wine not my drink of choice I would never leave the house if no reason to go for more wine

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I know! I got buy it daily, why would i need to keep it in a cabinet. The bottle i was working on didnt need to leave the area I was in!

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Yes and that area for me was bedroom and bottle hidden in my side table drawer. It is unbelievable how much more room I have for clothes once all the empties were gone. :hugs::heart_eyes:

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Absolutely insane how we lived…and how hard it was to quit.

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Yessss!!! Oh my… I resonate with SO MANY of the comments here.

@Dazercat, omg Eric! I can see me in your note-I would totally be doing that…when I finally get into something, I can be ALLLLLL in! 0 to 900.

This is how I know I will N.E.V.E.R. be able to drink again. And, it was honestly EXHAUSTING trying to control it-which never worked anyway. I could trick myself into having one or two, which gave me a false sense of security and then the next time I drank, it was most of a half gallon of vodka and ending my night blacked out.

I too would never drink half a drink. I remember dating someone 3 years ago for a few months and one night after my AA meeting, he dumped out his half consumed bottle of Grey Goose vodka that he had previously for at least 6 months somehow untouched, just to support my sobriety. Which, was actually sweet, but I was like wtf are you doing?!?! That is perfectly good booze lol. I didn’t want it but dumping it seemed wild to me. I am an alcoholic.

This week I have had a shit week with huge emotions. I ended my gut rebuilding diet with the logic that it said it only needed to be done 4 weeks and I did around 5 weeks. I had zero grains or sugar during that time.

With these big emotions this week, going back to eating those while on vacation and stuck to the couch due to an injury in the beginning of my vacation on a hike has been AWFUL. I’ve eaten so much crap while I’ve sat with all these uncomfortable feelings & realizations.

I am an alcoholic and that will never change. I will never ever be able to pick up again. It WILL kill me. Alcohol is no joke and it is literally life or death to me. Even amongst the difficult times, I want to really live thanks to my recovery.

I am no where near perfect and I’ve had to own my stuff with my sponsor, some women in recovery as well as others this week as I finally just realized I’ve been stuffing my face with these emotions. But, I can do something about it now in having that awareness. I have a program to work for it. More is always revealed.

And I’m grateful for this post and the reminder that I am forever an alcoholic so the work continues to keep me sober, one day at a time.

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I"ll guess that most of the posters replying above have under 10 yrs sobriety. If you ask someone with more than 20 yrs continuous clean time you may get a different answer.

Yes, always an alcoholic, meaning I will have alcoholic reaction if I ever pick up a drink again.

But will I still think like one? Not at all, if I have done the recovery work necessary. The BB says the problem will have been removed. Alcohol has as much an effect on my thinking today as bleach…I have no inclination to drink either. The romantic recall I had of alcohol disappeared long ago.

I cannot forget how I used to think about booze, but I can take comfort in knowing that thinking has gone through a sober evolution.

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Thank you for sharing. This truly speaks to me. One of my lowest moments was needing alcohol in my system so desperately that I drank the vermouth. I have never told anybody that and I doubt they’d care, but it really made me realize just how bad I’d gotten. 🩷

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I’m glad it helped. My vermouth days were back when I still thought my drinking was classy. I picked special glasses and made it an occasion but never left any in the bottle for the next day. I liked the taste of vermouth and deluded myself into thinking I was drinking like someone cultured from a different era. I also fell down a lot on these nights and drank alone.

In this same conversation with my friend we talked about how my drinking friends and I would pick a random liqueur (Galliano, Creme de Menthe, Drambouie :nauseated_face:) and drink a bar out of it in a day. Then when we went back the next time and that bar had stocked up on that gross obscure liqueur we had moved on leaving them with 3 bottles of gross stuff that no one ever drinks.

I put a lot of gross stuff in my body pretending it was fun. Also, I think I was kind of an asshole. It helps to be honest.

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Forever an alcoholic here :+1: ….so I watched a programme tonight called “The secret life of children” they gave the 9 year olds ten pounds each to buy themselves picnic ingredients .The kids obviously bought only crisps sweets and pop .now the alcohol fridge was opposite the sweets and the kids went round and round the shop coming back to the sweets they showed the alcohol fridge about 5 times and on that fifth time something happened and my days did it trigger me BIG TIME :exploding_head:I started sweating thinking about the taste of the wine ,palpitating analysing that there only kids they haven’t even noticed that there’s wine to buy behind them… WTF…it was almost too much I nearly had to switch the programme off . 41 days sober not thought about it at all even when I’m in a shop that sells it but tonight that programme gave me an important lesson . If it’s in front of me for too long at this early stage of my sobriety I’m RIGHT AND ROYALY FUUUUKD …. definitely no alcoholic outing s for this girl yet and I’m very grateful I know it :pray:t2:

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