The last year to two years has been a roller coaster for me. I was in a long term relationship, which ended for a variety of reasons, but one of which was caused by my behaviours while drinking.
I have been single/seeing people since about September and I have even had my longest stint of sobriety up until recently. Then a few drinks later and all those toxic behaviours came back and I’m back on day 11.
I am really struggling with how to forgive myself, I am in therapy, but I know from previous rounds of sobriety that I need to develop some self compassion for myself regardless of my past actions.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any support you may be able to share that will help me in my healing process
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Congrats for day 11, that’s great! I’m also dealing with the same issues, I find it so hard to forgive myself for all the bad things I have said and done to my loved ones and especially traumas I’ve been caused to my kids. My relationship with my kiddos is really great, but I’m aware they had to witness some serious shit when I was intoxicated. My past is really haunting me, especially during silent night times. I don’t have any advices, just wanted to share my experience that I know what you’re dealing with. I’m also learning to forgive myself and I believe eventually I can do it. I know you can do too. All the best!
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Thank you! The reminder here is that we are human, the other reminder is that we are accepting and addressing our behaviour.
I am proud of you
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Know that the behavior you abhor usually doesnt present in sobriety - it is out of control when drinking though.
So if you hate the behavior, dont contribute to its energy. Stay healthy and sober and prosper.
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You are very right, the actions I feel such guilt about (infidelity for instance) is something that has only ever ever ever presented while I’ve been drinking
I think if you are struggling to forgive yourself, focus on just behaving differently. If you were unfaithful before, be faithful, honest, and true now. If you keep acting in a way that fits the way you want to live, self respect and forgiveness will come naturally imo.
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Thank you very much for this reminder, you are very right. When I stop my drinking my behaviours change and I can get the perspective that allows me to nurture myself.
I am also exploring in my therapy some of the underlying reasons for my past infidelity.
I struggle with this too, but I truly believe that no matter what we have done, we can find forgivness from others and more importantly ourselves, only when we are truly remorseful and make a promise to never do it again. When I know for sure that I will never make a certain mistake again (infidelity being a great example) I can forgive myself for what I did not see, know, consider or understand before. I can see it was my addiction taking hold. Its hard, so sometimes I try and pretend I am my best friend, and would I forgive her? Would I tell her I still love her no matter what she did? Yes, so I try to show myself the same grace.
I hope that helps and wish you the best with sobriety!
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Hi Sarah, thank you so much for your words of guidance. That is a great thought exercise for me to use! I would hug my friend and let them know the truth that they are so much more than their actions.
I also need to start taking some pride in my decisions to improve my life and face my addictions.
I am so glad today I don’t need to suffer alone and have you folks to help me steer the ship back on course
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Forgiveness of self was something i initally struggled with too. One area that i do struggle with still is forgiving myself for how i treated a person thats very close to me. But what i can say tho is that when we use drugs or drink, we are not ourselves. We do things and act a certain way, that we would generally never do clean and sober. We are human, we make mistakes. Its what we do with those mistakes that matters the most. The biggest way that i have gained some self forgiveness is by never acting thay way again. Making that promise to never repeat those behaviours. And a big part of that is staying clean and sober. Bcuz when im clean and sober, i dont act that way. Making that promise to myself helps me to feel a little better about myself, bcuz im doing something about it.
We are sick people while in our addictions. I need to treat myself the same way that i would treat a friend who is sick. With compassion and love and understanding and patience. Try to be ur own best friend 
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