As I’ve talked about before on here I have a sex addiction problem. And I just discovered something on myself that might be permanent and I’m seriously freaking the fuck out. I have to get through the night to go to urgent care to get checked as Id wake my whole family up if I left now.
I’m seriously losing it right now. Along with having lost all my coping tools with my drugs, I dont have the coping skills to deal with this. Please God dont do this to me.
Edit: the results came back negative, Im good! And I didnt break my sobriety. Thanks so much all for replying and caring.
I’m assuming you contracted some sort of std, or think you did. Try to relax and wait for a proper diagnosis. But just know that most STDs are curable. Gono/clap goes away with antibiotics, even warts/hpv are temporary and will go away eventually, for men it’s not as serious. Honestly the only ones you need to worry about is herpes and hiv. Herpes isn’t the end of the world either. I know a few people who have it and life moves on.
If you do find out you have something, do the right thing and disclose it with all your recent sex partners and have them get tested as well. But honestly, just try to relax. Worrying about it will not change the outcome, so get some sleep and find out tomorrow.
I’m praying that its one of the curable ones and Im not even religious Im just feeling desperate as hell. Im afraid it might be herpes and yes it goes away but not forever..it will come back. I already had enough reasons for a girl to never want to be with me, now with this on top of it… Im gonna be alone forever. I just took a bunch of sleeping medicine and Im hopeing it will override my panicking freaking out brain. I will find out soon. If it’s bad news, I don’t know. I have enough reason to want to kill myself as it is. I can’t imagine where my mind will be if I get the bad news.
What are your symptoms? If I may ask. There are things that can look and seem like herpes but actually not. Yeast infection, for example is one of them. Although it’s rare for men, it is still possible. It is itchy and painful and brings a lot of the same symptoms. I think if you had herpes you would know, but I’d wait for a professional diagnosis. Just try to relax.
You’ve fought to keep yourself here this long and addiction is a son of a bitch but you’re a good fucking person with a strong will and don’t let bad news bring you down. Like jeff said try to relax, get some sleep and wait for a professional response. There are ways to manage whatever ot may be and the right woman is out there for you and will support you. I’m not religious either but your higher power, whatever that may be, will help you. And you’ve got friends here to talk to about anything. Stay strong brother, the world needs good people like you in it.
Thank you very much for your replies @JeffreyDale its a red bump underneath the head and one on the top, its a bump that kind of fades in its redness as it goes outward. Almost looks like a pimple or something…its not itchy or painful but it is a bit painful when touched with more than a bit of pressure.
@DarthTjader thank you for the kind words I appreciate that very much. I feel the sleeping medicine kicking in, I might actually fall asleep soon. I will update with the professional response when I get it…thanks for caring.
Probably not herpes then, herpes is generally itchy and painful. It could really be anything, but doesn’t sound like herpes so you should rest easy, but definitely get it checked out.
Just one red bump? Genital herpes are not very different in shape to cold sores, and yours sounds nothing like this! Is it a blister filled with fluid?
The doctor at urgent care said it could be anything but it might also be herpes. I have to wait 5 days for results, it’s going to drive me mad waiting. Idk how I can get through waiting so long, I just need to know asap. Its going to be a horrible couple days.
What an awful time I chose to get clean. Im considering breaking my sobriety for this.
How do you figure that would help? Wouldn’t that just put you at higher risk of engaging in the same behaviour that got you here to begin with?
I know it seems like the only solution because you’re panicking and new to dealing with life your self destructive tools of choice, but this is a PERFECT opportunity to practice being sober.
Once you get thought this, you will have learnt that situations you tell yourself are life or death rarely are. With time and some personal commitment on your end they all pass, and you get stronger.
That’s pretty much how it works:
New uncomfortable / scary situation
Panick , low self confidence in ability to cope in a healthy way
Commit to trying despite doubt and anxiety
Find new more acceptable way of coping with the situation
Successfully handle situation sober
Learn that you can in fact handle this situation without acting out or using.
Situation happens in the future and you are much more confident in getting though it safely.
This makes you really proud and the way see the world shifts just enough to keep going until your next challenge.
Finally you continue to get better and smarter at dealing with life and you love yourself for it.
And breathe!! Drinking only going to make things worse not better. I went through similar situation few years ago, and waited a week for results. It wasnt nice but shit happens to good people all the time. And why it shouldn’t happen to me? In the end i didnt have it (although sexual nurse confirmed it on the day that visually she was 100% sure it was, so it was a nice suprise when swabs came back). Lots of people have it but no one talks about it, mainly it because it affects people’s lives to a minimun. Some people only have one break out, some people have it twice in their life. The only complications would be during the pregnacy and giving birth but you’re ok.
Dont drink and instead do some research on this condition, sounds like you have very limited understanding hence you’re freaking out! Positive thoughts
My friend, @BlazingPegasus, you’ve got a lot of encouraging people rooting you on here. I think most of us are concerned that you’ll use this as fuel to act out.
I can understand your feelings of entitlement to act out. But let’s not assume that your life is threatened at this moment. You’ve maintained 5+ days of sobriety so far. You can make it a few more. And if the test results come back with good news, you’ll be so glad you chose to stay sober. You got this @BlazingPegasus. You are so loved here.
@Decided I don’t know if smoking weed will make me want to seek out more sex, I’m not sure if those addictions are connected…but I do understand that addictions all feed themselves. Thank you for the kind words, I can see how getting through this would be good for my ability to cope without drugs. But this is coming from my saner, not yet sure, mind. If I do get the bad news…I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with myself. I feel like I can keep strong and get through this but if worst comes to worst, I don’t know. I guess I’m pawning off responsibility for my own actions onto a horrible situation but I don’t know how I could possibly handle the bad news. I do feel proud of myself from staying away from it even now. It is a nice feeling..I’ll try my best.
@JustL Im going through all the stages of grief over and over again, sometimes I think why me sometimes I think I deserve it sometimes I accept it. This might all be for nothing as I’m hoping it’s nothing or at least a temporary one. It might affect peoples lives to a minimum but I’m thinking about how hard it has been for me to find someone to be with and how much harder it will be if I have this condition. I’m glad to hear you got good news yourself. I’m stressing out horribly right now hoping for the best. This day went by so slowly…another 4 or 5 days, it’s going to feel like torture as it already kind of does. Positive thoughts to you too.
@KevinesKay Aw thank you, I do see the great people here and the kind comforting things they are saying to me and the sensible things that are being told to me as well. I will be glad I stayed sober if the results are good, but if the results are bad I really don’t know if I’ll even know myself at that point. When shit gets really bad, I’m not even myself anymore. Maybe this is me again, pawning off responsibility, but I can’t imagine how I’ll get through this.
Hey Blaze about the weed, think about this way: You committed to staying sober. Not following though with that commitment is going to make you feel down on yourself which is what usually opens the door to other acting out no?
My BF is recovering from sex addiction and from what I understand shame and guilt are 2 very strong over arching themes that seem to contribute to the cycle of acting out.
So even if getting stoned in itself may not open the dote to that ( although it very well could), think of it more in terms of how breaking that commitment to yourself will leave you feeling inadequate etc, and how you usually deal with those feelings etc.
If you had told me even 6 months ago that I’d survive my BF cheating on me with 32 ( possibly more) prostitutes and that I’d do not SOBER and quit smoking at the same time, I would have told you you were wrong. But here I am, 4 months later…writing to you sober , smoke free from my couch sitting next to my also sober porn and sexual acting out free BF.
Give yourself a chance to develop as a healthy individual and then subsequently as a healthy quality partner. You will see that you are indeed worthy of love. Your own and that of others.
@Decided I’m sorry you went through all that, that sounds incredibly difficult. I’m happy to hear you’re maintaining your sobriety. You were right about the feelings of being inadequate when you break from the commitment, when its happened to me in the past I’ve always felt terrible. I’m also replying because
I just got the tests results, I don’t have anything! Oh my god I am so relieved, Im gonna collapse. Thanks for being there for me, folks, I really appreciated it.
Thanks lol yah…he says it was over a year which is scary as hell being that we’re always together, sonthe level of deception was tremendous to say the least…I also don’t know how much more she’s still tonshamed to tell me about. But for now, Either way, he says he hasn’t masturbated for 2.5 month or watched porn since all this came out. It’s Just to reset and discover that he can indeed live without release when things get stressful.
Seems to have done wondered for his self confidence…he’s been relying on sex and masturbation since he was 4, porn since he was a young teen ( he’s 40 now)
Trust issues still pop up but now that I’m sober I also have comfort in knowing that I am strong enough to leave if he goes back to that…so does he. Sobriety definitely helps to maintain healthy boundaries for myself and the relationship.
Thanks for the reply. Hope I wasn’t out of bounds for mentioning the extent. I guess I was thinking of my past. All people can do is try to maintain a healthy relationship- sex or not. I’m trying to reconnect at home again now. Slow going but at least it’s going.
@BlazingPegasus I just want to tell one story in this thread. It’s not my current problem, but I did have a “sex” addiction years ago. I recall sitting in a medical waiting room to find out HIV results (I hadn’t even had unprotected anything but was very paranoid) I sat there contemplating the note I would write to my wife and the method of suicide. It was negative and that should be the end of story. But a year or two later I was back there taking the same test. Please learn from this now and don’t repeat.
about the weed, think about this way: You committed to staying sober. Not following though with that commitment is going to make you feel down on yourself which is what usually opens the door to other acting out no?
