Last week was good, but every friday i Fall Back to Drinking, Smoke a lot of cigarettes, and Fight with Porn and Sex Addiction.
Yesterday i Had Party on my own with a Bottle of Bourbon and some good music, i have Fight with me to Not Go Out to a Stripclub or Other places, the night before i was really Stressed so i was porn scrolling , makes me feel Like a piece of Shit
Need the love, Hope, and a Job again.
Some Times I am a good Dude but sometimes i feel so fucked Up Like crap and a big dissapointment to everybody
In two Weeks my Medication with medikenet and Diazepam ends, then i’m Out of this damn Pills
Wow! You certainly have a lot of things on your plate! I’ve found that when I take too many big bites, I end up choking. So, be gentle with yourself. Take small bites and be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can with the resources that you have. That’s courageous and so honorable. I’m so glad you’re back here!
Last night i woked Up in the middle of the night. I used this time for searching a Job and make Plans what i have to do this week, OK Bye the side i smoked Many
Then i went Back to sleep.
This morning get Up with positive Energy.
Need a good Job, 12 Steps program. This ist the Most important Things for me at the Moment.
Hope make some Sport this week again.
But my mind is only thinking, find ja Job, do something good, Change Change , get your Things done, Future is good, you have this in your own Hands, get a Job you Need to work
14 days and Diazepam is Out of my Life. This really fckd Up my Emotions. Doc Said i should Take medikenet longer, damn ADHS.I wont Take this anymore, it also Kills al emotional Feelings and you Walk arround Like a Robot, but you can do your Things. OK it helps but i want positive Emotions Back
I’m so glad you woke up positively; albeit I’m sorry to hear that your medication isn’t serving you well. Are you able to speak with your doctor about better alternatives instead of going off them completely?
Now I’m writing applications all evening. I’m not giving up. I was unreliable at my last job because of weed and benzos. Sometimes I arrived there completely wrecked. But now I’m over the hump and things are getting better! Almost nearly two months without cannabis…
tapering off the benzos next week. Why two weeks? The sooner the better!
If you want to, you can do it. Many say you can’t! Why?? Never give up. Keep pushing. Even though I’m struggling between hope and recovery and loneliness and crying.
The people who begrudge me my courage and success can’t handle themselves.
Why don’t some people understand that there’s me “I,” no “you,” but only “us.”
During my heavy use, I was also selfish, full of anger and resentment. Self-reflection and change—that’s what I’m working on.
And 12 steps Program on my list. Anonymous sexaholics First, then AA
As your brain heals from the physical damage that occurred during your addiction, you’re also going to have a lot of memories and past feelings reemerge. That’s common. It absolutely can feel overwhelming, especially if you are self-isolating, and don’t have adequate skills to compartmentalize (not stuff or ignore!) and work through them slowly.
So, of course you’re going to be a wreck! Hells bells, for the first month of not smoking I was crying more than I had my entire life—and I never cry!
Wow! That’s certainly a lot of reasons to quit drinking.
This is a journey, and you’ve taken a remarkably courageous first step! Congratulations
There are a lot of resources available, and everyone here is so empathetic and knowledgeable.
I’d say because you have a lot of stress, the first thing to do is to breath! Take slow, deep breaths and remind yourself that your addictions didn’t help you get out of these messes in the past: they made them worse!
When things have gotten super overwhelming, I’ve had to repeat: it’s not forever, it’s just for today.
Nevertheless, I am glad you’re here. You’ll be well taken care of—as long as you accept the help.
You did what you knew worked in the past; what served you.
But, it isn’t serving you anymore.
There is a biological reason why PMO helps. It’s an instant hit of dopamine, oxytocin, and prolactin. The prolactin, it sounds like, was what you were after — especially after very little sleep and HIGH stress.
So, peace.
It happened, view it nonjudgmentally, learn from it, and move on.
Emotions and hormones are difficult to handle, especially if you’re trying to do it alone.
Is there anything you’ve learned that you can do differently next time?
By just wanting to change is a fabulous move towards change. Don’t stop quitting. Quit a million times, because it’ll be that million-and-one time that it finally sticks.
Where you pour back into yourself those things you so desperately seek: validation, love, acceptance, courage, strength, hope, creativity, connection, etc.
Congratulations 
pmo 
